Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Is your baby REALLY hungry during the night… or is she using you as a “pacifier” to get back to sleep?

A question came in from Mel who writes:

“My three and a half month-old had been settling herself down for the night, waking for a feeding at about 1 a.m. and then sleeping through until 7 a.m. But recently she’s been going to bed at 7 o’clock, waking up at 9:30, 12:30 and 4:00, and then getting up at 7 a.m. Other than her waking, nothing else has changed. I’ve been getting up to breastfeed her and she’ll go back to sleep quickly. Should I keep feeding her or try to see if she’ll go back to sleep without it?”

I always say that if a baby once slept through the night, there’s no reason why she cannot do it again. Sometimes the consistency comes from you, the parent, just being consistent. If there’s no other reasons for her waking up during the night, I would hold her to her normal schedule of waking only once for a feed.

What can happen is the baby will think “Whenever I wake up and let out a few cries, someone comes and feeds me.” It becomes a fast way for them to fall back to sleep. Since Mel’s baby falls asleep quickly after a feed, I think that she might be using either the breast or the bottle to fall back to sleep faster, not because she’s hungry.

Even if the baby is not nursing all the way back to sleep, she could be using the breast to get herself nice and dozy and drowsy before she lays back down in the crib and falls asleep.

My best advice is that Mel and the baby go back to what was working before; waking up around 1 a.m. for a feeding and a 1 a.m. feeding only.

The next time she wakes up at 9:30, before you go in give her five minutes to just see what she does. It could be just a partial arousal, which is really common in babies up to the first birthday. If it is indeed a partial arousal, she’ll probably cry for a couple of minutes and then go back to sleep. If that’s the case, the problem solved.

What if she goes on longer than five minutes? Then definitely check to make sure that everything is fine. Go in, remind her that “it’s sleepy time,” perhaps give her a quick, comforting hug, and then put her back in the crib. Stay with her until she goes back to sleep or leave and come back to check on her in five or ten minutes, whatever is most comfortable for you. Remember, you’re trying to get her back on track for just one feed a night.

At around 1 a.m., when the actual feeding time comes around, make sure she’s not using the breast or bottle as a way to get back to sleep. Take her out of the crib, sit up with her, and keep a close eye on her while she’s feeding. If you notice drowsy eyes or heavy blinking, give her a couple of pokes or call out her name to keep her awake and actively eating. Try to keep her as wide awake as possible for this feeding without using you as a way to fall back to sleep.

Like she was doing before, the 1 a.m. feed will be her only feeding until she wakes up at 7:00. Further down the road, once she’s sleeping through the night with no other feeds, really hold her to that schedule. Multiple feeds during the night can send your baby confusing messages. Pretty soon they’re not sure what’s supposed to happen and they’ll try all kinds of different things to figure it out.

Again, my best advice to Mel is to get back to just the 1 a.m. feeding and stick to it. And very soon, you and the baby will sleep well.