Hi, I’m Dana. Today I want to talk about getting your toddler for the arrival of a new baby. It’s an exciting time in every family’s life, but for a toddler it can be a little unsettling. Usually they’re pretty excited. They don’t really understand what’s going on, but they tend to be fairly excited about a new baby. I want to give you a few tips here today to both deal with a little bit of jealousy and sleep regressions. I find that when a new baby arrives a toddler tends to regress in either the potty training, or the sleep or both. When it comes to sleep, I know I’ve had 3 children, and my children were very close together. I had toddlers for years. I know that as a parent you feel a little guilty that you’ve brought this new person into the family, and you’re worried about upsetting your toddler, and you still want her to know that she’s special and loved.

What happens when people feel guilty is they start to back down from their boundaries and their rules. I’m telling you that that is actually the worst thing you could possible do. That’s going to end up making your toddler feel even more insecure because now not only is there this new person in the house, but now rules aren’t even rules any more, and expectations are not the same. It leaves them feeling really, really insecure. It also provokes them to test boundaries harder because if they don’t know where the boundaries are, and they’ve gotten a little hazy, they’re going to push you even harder to see where the clarity is, where the boundary is. You’ll find that you’ll actually make your toddler’s behavior even worse, if you start backing down, so don’t do that. Alleviate your guilt in other ways. For example, you could plan a special 30-minute outing with your toddler just you and he, or you could spend 20 minutes you and he or she reading together. Most of the jealousy comes from having Mom’s time occupied by this new person so much that they’re not getting enough attention, so carving out a little one-on-one time, even if it’s just for a short period of time in the day will really help minimize the jealousy.

Also, too, if you’ve started the Sleep Sense program with your newborn, then it is a great way to introduce your toddler to the baby. For example, when my second or third child was born she would be out with the family, and then she would go away for a nap for a couple of hours. She’d come out and be with the family. Then she would go away. It was always really exciting when the baby showed up because a lot of the times she was asleep in her bassinet, and my toddlers didn’t see her. Again, the jealousy comes from now my mom is glued to this baby 24 hours a day, and I don’t get enough time or attention. Having a clear strategy, or plan for your newborn and getting them off to a great sleep start will actually help with your toddler issues. Another thing to keep in mind is the bedtime routine. Now it can be tricky because the baby is still awake. Most babies, newborn babies are going to be up most likely until Mom goes to bed herself.

Again, that can be a little bit of jealousy for the toddler that baby gets to stay up, but I have to go to bed. A solution to that might be to have Dad maybe or one of the parents take the baby out of the bedtime routine experience for the toddler, take the toddler’s mind off the newborn, have Dad go into another room while you again, spend some good, quality time with your toddler through that bedtime routine and really hang onto it. You really have to be firm that it is bedtime. You can tell him, “Baby has gone to bed too,” to help minimize that. I hope that gives you a few tips for navigating this new family member. Thanks so much for watching. Sleep well.