Handling Toddler Aggression
Toddlers have the ability to melt our hearts with their vulnerability, innocence, and abounding cuteness. And that can make it all the more confusing when they suddenly start to hit, shove, or bite.
And hey, if your toddler is exhibiting some hostility, there’s no need to panic. Aggressive behavior in toddlers is completely normal, as every parent knows, but that doesn’t mean that it should be permitted, or that you can’t take steps to prevent it.
In today’s video, I’ll look at some of the likely causes of aggressive behavior in your toddler, and give you some tips to help spot their triggers and address them before things get out of hand.
Rather read than watch? Click here.
Hi, I’m Dana, creator of the Sleep Sense Program, and today we’re gonna talk about toddler aggression.
Why is my toddler so aggressive? This happens, you know, I can even remember it with my own children that there’s a period in time where children act out aggressively. And so I’m gonna give you a few reasons why they might be doing it and then how we can course-correct the behavior if it’s showing up too often. I always like to encourage people to look at some of the root causes for behavior. And when we’re talking about aggression, often a root cause for that behavior is fatigue, is sleep deprivation. Think about it. When you’re sleep deprived, when you haven’t slept well, you know, how easy is it for you to handle your emotions? How easy is it for you not to fly off the handle if somebody cuts you off in traffic or, you know, get furious with shoes on the floor?
All the things that happen in a life that can be annoying, aren’t they even more annoying when you’re tired? Same is true for little ones. In fact, amplify that by, like, times 10, okay? So however you’re feeling, your child’s feeling it even more severely. So the first thing to do would be to look at your child’s sleep schedule. Are they sleeping through the night? Are they still taking decent naps during the day? If they are not, that is step one. That is problem-solving step one. Get a copy of the Sleep Sense Program, teach this little person how to sleep well, and you’ll see a dramatic resolution to this aggression issue. I mean, we won’t erase it completely, but you’ll notice a dramatic decline in aggressive behavior if a child is well-rested.
Another root cause can be hunger. You know, toddler tummies, they don’t have a lot of space and they get empty pretty quickly. So I always recommend that every two hours you be giving a meal or a snack to a toddler to keep them out of hanger. You know, when you’re hungry and you start getting angry, we call it hangry. That can happen to toddlers too, and where hangry might show up is in aggressive behavior. You know, hitting or slapping or biting or kicking can show up when a child’s feeling hangry. So check into that.
And then the thing that sometimes gets overlooked is attention. Could your child be doing this for attention? Did you just have a new baby, for example, and you’ve noticed aggressive behavior showing up? Did you just go back to work? You know, did you get a divorce? Is he started daycare? Has there been something that’s happened in the child’s life that they could be craving some attention? And this is, you know, we think logically that that one doesn’t make sense because he’s gonna get in trouble or she’s gonna get in trouble, she’s gonna have a timeout because of this, you know, I’m gonna get angry with her because of it.
But attention is attention, and I find that a lot of children will do negative behavior in an attempt to get attention. So you need to have a good look at that, too. And a great way to solve the problem if it is attention is carve out dedicated attention time with your toddler or your preschooler every day. I love it at bedtime ’cause I think that you gotta do a bedtime routine anyway, so why don’t we put a few steps in there that are kind of fun and engaging for the two of us, like reading stories or, you know, doing some coloring before bed, or playing with blocks, or whatever the activity is that you do with your toddler or your preschooler. No phones, no screens, you know, just you and your child. And 20 minutes a day can make a world of difference, so consider that. How can we make some positive attention?
And even throughout your day just really recognizing your child when they are behaving well. Give them lots of positive reinforcement about the behaviors you want to show up and a little less around the behaviors that you don’t wanna show up so that we’re kind of like putting the attention in the right direction, so to speak. So those are the root causes of aggressive behavior. And when it shows up, we need to make it very clear that that kind of behavior is not okay. It’s a non-negotiable. If you hit a child, then you’re going for an automatic timeout. You know, usually I tell you give a warning first, but mm-mm. If you hit somebody else or you bite another child or you kick me, you’re going for a timeout. That is not acceptable behavior. We do not handle our emotions that way. You will be going for a timeout.
And I have lots of advice on the dos and don’ts of timeouts, so make sure you search for that in my blog so that you’re doing it correctly. But yeah, we really need to nip this quickly in the bud so that this child doesn’t start to understand that this kind of behavior is a great way to get what he or she wants. If the aggression is coming out to other children, some advice around that is to give lots of attention to the other child, the child that’s been victimized, the child that’s been hurt in this scenario, and then your child starts to understand that, oh, I don’t actually get a lot of attention when I do this. In fact, she’s getting way more attention than I am. And that can kind of help curb it as you’re also doing these other, you know, management strategies to keep aggressive behavior to a minimum.
Alright, thanks so much for watching today. Sleep well!
If your baby, infant or toddler is having trouble sleeping through the night, help is just a click away! The Sleep Sense Program has helped over 107,000 parents to get their kids sleeping 11-12 hours through the night AND taking long, restful naps during the day. If you’re ready to get started – I’m looking forward to helping you!