How to Get Your Child Out of Your Bed

Right off the bat here, I just want to let you know that I’m not the kind of person to say, “I told you so.”

So for anyone reading this who’s aware of my disdain for co-sleeping, I want to assure you that I’m not going to waste your time by telling you that life would be easier now if you hadn’t let your child into your bed to begin with.

I know that almost all of us raise our kids with a mish-mash of styles. Even devout attachment parents tend to find that there’s that one little point where their child just doesn’t seem to fit the mold, and they alter the rulebook accordingly.

So no shrugged shoulders and upturned palms from me on this issue. You feel it’s time your child moved to his own bed and I’m here to help.

• Maintain PerspectiveObviously, if you’re reading this, your child isn’t at a point where he actually wants to go sleep in his own bed. He likes cuddling with you at night and he’s not happy about having to give it up. And really, who could blame them? Nobody likes to have their sleep routines messed with. I know plenty of grown ups who wouldn’t react well to switching to a new bed, new sheets, new pillow and nobody to snuggle with. (And I humbly include myself in that lot.)

  A three year old who’s been sleeping next to you his entire life can hardly be expected to understand or appreciate why this change is suddenly being instituted, and he’s going to express that confusion in typical toddler fashion.

  So while you’re going through this process, bear in mind that it’s tough on your toddler as well. He’s going to be sleepy, cranky and probably a little miffed at you for insisting on this change, but that’s all perfectly reasonable.

  Just bear in mind, there are better days ahead.

• Explain the Rules
  It’s a good idea to explain what’s happening early in the day, which gives your child some time to come to grips with it. Let him know that it’s part of growing up, and that you slept on your own when you were his age.With a little luck, the pride and excitement of taking on a more mature role will help in the process. Now is also a good time to let him know what the rules are when it comes to getting out of bed or coming into your room.
• Stand your groundThe shortest distance between the beginning and end of this process is to be consistent, so don’t go bending the rules. If they come into your room in the middle of the night, walk them back to their room, kiss them goodnight, and let them know that there is a consequence to leaving again. (I like the “one minute with the door closed” consequence for this scenario, but use whatever works for you.)

  Do not give in to the temptation to allow him to get into bed with you for a few minutes, or climb into bed with him until he falls asleep. (I told you this wouldn’t be easy.) It may seem like a quick solution, or that you’re letting him adjust gradually, but I promise you, it just reinforces the idea that if they come and wake you up, they’ll get me snuggle time, albeit temporarily.

• Provide FeedbackSo, you’ve survived the night. If your child did well, let him know! Don’t hesitate to lay down the praise for a job well done. After all, this is a big step for him.I find that reward charts are a great tool when you are trying to encourage a change in behavior. Offer some incentive for your child to stay in his bed for an entire night, and a bigger reward for staying there for a full week. By the time he’s reached a full month, he probably won’t need any more motivation. It will have just become “the norm” for him to sleep in his own room.

Most importantly, don’t give up. This is definitely a tough milestone to achieve, both for you and your child, but you will get there eventually. There’s probably going to be a fair amount of crying and sleepless nights, but the sooner you get through it, the sooner you’ll both be enjoying long, restful nights in your own respective beds.

If you’re looking for the gentlest method available for transitioning your toddler into his own bed, or you want to take a more involved role in his sleep in general, check out The Sleep Sense Program. It’s helped over 109,000 parents and their kids to solve their sleep problems and get the rest they need.