Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense™ Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

A great question this week from a mom named Emma:

“Our son is two and will not sleep to his own bed unless one of us lies down to fall asleep with him. Then he wakes up a few hours later and will not go back to sleep unless one of us comes in and gets into bed. This goes on all night. Is he scared? I don’t think he likes his room. Could this be the issue?”

I doubt it really has anything to do with not liking his room. It probably has more to do with the fact that he has convinced himself that he can only get to sleep if one of you is on bed with him. You really want to think about sleep strategies (and we all have them). I like the same side of the bed every night and a glass of water beside the bed. If I do not have those things, I sort of tell myself that I cannot sleep unless they are there.

So your son has basically told himself that he cannot sleep, unless one of you lies down with him. It has become his strategy. The only way he is going to start sleeping through the night and get more comfortable with being on his own in his bed, is if he practices those skills. What I would have you do is to refrain from getting into bed with him anymore. Instead, sit in a chair beside the bed. He may or may not protest that change. He might ask you to get back in and to that you are going to have to say “I am going to sit in the chair until you are asleep.” You can follow the stay in the room method that is outlined for toddlers in the Sleep Sense Program.

It is there to guide parents through gradual withdrawal of the themselves from the bedroom so that the child can develop some strategies that are all his own. He’ll feel comfortable in his own bed by himself and he can start handling his own night wake ups. Then he will not rely on you to keep coming in or lying down with him.

For night wakings you have to handle it the same way. You cannot teach him to do it himself at bedtime but then get in to bed with him all night long; you will just confuse the issue. So for every night waking you have to go back to your chair, stay with him until he falls asleep and back to bed you go. Once he has become comfortable with being on his own in his own bed, then he will start going to bed more quickly and sleeping through the night.

I hope that helps Emma and good luck with your two-year-old. Thanks for your question and sleep well!