Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Does your baby want to breastfeed all night long? If so, then you know how tiring this can be for both of you.

Agatha writes:

“I have a 15-month-old baby boy who still sleeps with us. He wakes three to four times a night and I’m still breastfeeding him and he sucks on me all night long. And as soon as I take him off, he starts to cry. He has been using me as a pacifier. Can you help me? I have to work in the morning and I feel absolutely tired. Please help!”

It sounds like Agatha has two requests: that her baby gets out of her bed and into his crib and that he stops nursing at night. Both are completely reasonable wishes and probably things her son is ready to do as well.

If he’s fifteen months old and nursing all night long, he’s really not getting a good, consolidated nighttime sleep. When he has to eat while he’s asleep, he’s going to be stuck in a really light state of sleep. Like mom, he’s probably not getting a full sleep cycle with lots of deep stage three sleep. The good news is that there is something we can do that will be beneficial for both of them.

The first step is establishing a solid bedtime routine for him, a routine that helps him get his mind around the idea that it’s bedtime. Everyone has a bedtime routine. Whether its five minutes or 20 minutes, we all do things before we go to bed that really helps stimulate our brain and body to let us know that we’re making that transition from day to night. The same needs to be established for Agatha’s baby as well.

A good example of a bedtime routine would be that you give him a bath, get his pajamas on, then perhaps he has a feed before bed. If you’re completely ready to wean him, then I’d suggest you not nurse him before bed. Transition him right to a sippy cup, maybe with warm milk, formula or even breast milk in the cup. That’s a good transition from the breast to a cup. And of course you want him to brush his teeth before he goes into the crib.

If you do decide to nurse as part of the bedtime routine, you cannot let him fall asleep while he’s nursing. What’s happening now is that he has a very, very strong nurse-sleep association. In his mind, that’s how you get to sleep. He may not even know that there are other ways to fall asleep. We really need to break that association and the faster you break it, the faster the baby will learn a new way. As soon as you notice heavy blinking or that sleepy, faraway look in his eyes, talk to him, give him a few pokes or tickle him. Do whatever you need to do to keep him awake during the feed.

You also could break up the routine after the feed with the extra step of a story or a song before bedtime. That would help to break up the association of nursing and sleeping.

The baby then goes into the crib awake and you’ll stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. I’d suggest the “stay-in-the-room” method that’s outlined in my book. From the toddler section of the book, and at 15 months old he really is a toddler, you’d stay by the crib in a chair for three nights. Give him some gentle, careful touches while repeating your key phrase, and coaxing him to lie down by rubbing the mattress.

You’re going to wait him out until he falls asleep in his crib. There’s no time limit during these nights, so take turns or switch nights with your partner as needed. Do whatever it takes to make it easier on you, except for getting him out of the crib.

For bedtimes four, five and six, move your chair to the middle of the room. You can walk over a few times, give him some touches and say your key phrase, but then go back to your chair. By the seventh night, you should be all the way to the door or out of the room.

Basically, we’re retraining his sleep skills. Up until now, he’s relied on nursing as his only sleep skill. Now he’ll develop skills that he can do independently and that are not related to nursing. Offer him a little teddy or small blanket if that makes you and him feel more comfortable, but remember that he might incorporate those into his new skills and you’ll need to do that same thing for every single night waking.

You really can’t bring him into your bed at any point during the night. Doing that will teach him that he gets to come to your bed at some point during the night and he could wake up every hour wondering if it’s time to come to your bed or not. Do not bring him to your bed.

You really have to hang in there until morning and handle every night waking in the same way. Stay in your chair in the room until he’s asleep, while he stays in his crib.

Stay with this plan until it works, and it will work. Remember that this is a skill and people don’t master new skills in one or two days. Give your baby some time. He is going to be saying “goodbye” to one thing and “hello” to some new things and that’s going to take some time and maybe a lot of your patience. Soon, in a few days even, you’ll both be sleeping well.