Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Wendy. She writes:

“Ollie goes down half awake at 6:30PM and then wakes an hour later wanting a nine ounce bottle. He then used to sleep until 3AM — when he would have another bottle — but he is now waking up at 11PM too, wanting to eat every time. Then, he is waking up extra early in the morning because his diaper is soaked through! What can I do?”

Well Wendy, that is a lot of milk in the middle of the night. I’m assuming he has a bottle before bed and then another one an hour later and then two more in the middle of the night, which really is way too many.

If he is underweight and you have been advised by your Doctor that he should be eating in the night, or if he has any health concerns then by all means, continue with the feeds. However, if he is a healthy 9 month old there really is no reason that he needs bottles in the night.

There are a couple of things or sort of “red flags” that stand out to me in your message, but it also sounds like you have started to take some steps in the right direction as far as bedtime is concerned, which is great!

I am assuming that you do a nice routine with him before bed. If you are not including a feed in the bedtime routine, I would suggest that you put one in. For example, around 6PM Oley could have a bath and get his pajamas on. Next he could have a bottle (he needs to stay awake through that step) and then perhaps read a story together after that to help break the connection between eating and sleep. Lastly you would put him in his crib awake. It sounds like you’ve already taken some steps in the right direction and are already preventing him from fully falling asleep on the bottle.

While going into bed half awake seems a good step, half-awake can also mean being half asleep. For some babies, that is just not enough. Think of sleep as a journey and let’s use the bottle as an example. A baby might use the bottle to basically take them 80 percent of the way and then do the last 20% percent of the sleep journey on their own. What happens then, is that for every night waking they think they need you to come back to help do that first 80 percent of the journey again, so they can do the last 20 percent to fall back asleep.

It sounds to me like Oley might still have that association between the bottle and sleep. You’re definitely going in the right direction, but in order to really solve these problems and get him sleeping straight through, you have really got to completely break any connection he has between the bottle and sleep. So be sure to keep him wide awake through the bottle at bedtime, even if you have to tickle him or softly poke him a little. Talk to him and if you need to, take the bottle out to dance him around a little and try again. It is important that he have some food before bed but you really do not want him to start his journey to sleep at all, with that bottle.

Reading a story after the bottle, helps in breaking that association a little bit more as well. If he does not seem terribly keen on the story, just do a page or two and be done with it. He must be going into the crib awake. It might mean though, that for a little while bedtime does not go as smoothly as it has been with him going down drowsy, rolling over and falling asleep. It might also mean that he does a bit more crying at bedtime but keep in mind that he is figuring out “How do I do this all on my own without the help of the bottle?”

You can handle the next step in a couple of ways. You can stay in the room and sit by the crib for a couple of nights and then you move a little farther away for a couple. Finally move over to the door for the next couple and continue to work your way out of the room. That might make it a little easier on both of you.

Alternatively, you could just leave and check on him every few minutes to reassure him you are near. It should just take a few nights because you have already started him in the right direction, rather than endless nights of continual going in and checking.

It should not really take you much more than a couple of nights, and that skill should start transferring to his middle-of-the night-waking too. It will happen automatically, but I do suggest that you handle every night waking exactly the same. This prevents any confusion for Oley, because he then will then recognize that there really is no chance that he might if eat, if he just protests long enough.

So for every wake up, first wait a couple of minutes and see if he can get himself back to sleep without any help from you. If it continues past five or ten minutes then a parent should go in to offer some support. You can do this with careful touching, key phrases, and a few reassuring words that everything is fine. Then either continue with the leave and check style method or perhaps stay if you want and be with him through the time that takes him to get back to sleep.

He is going to have to go back to sleep on his own, with no feeds. Also I would not consider morning, anything before 6AM meaning I would consider it a night waking if it is 5AM. Hang in there until at least 6, so that he starts to realize that morning comes a little bit later. That should solve the problem of the soaked through diaper, they should be much drier in the mornings.

One other problem area you mentioned having was the wake up occurring an hour into sleep. You should consider that a night waking as well, and follow your same steps. If he has a bottle before bed, then that waking cannot be for food so you don’t have to worry about him being hungry. It could just be a bit of a habit he has gotten himself into. Just treat it like a night waking and do exactly what you would do if it was 3AM; wait a little and then “leave and check” or stay with him until he is back to sleep, without the bottles.

It really does sound like the bottle is the issue. Just make a few changes with that in mind and it will help him to find his own ways of falling asleep that are much more independent. Learning to not rely on the bottle at all, when it comes to sleep will help get him sleeping through the night!

Thanks for your question Wendy; good luck and sleep well!