Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Does your baby wake for a bottle during the night? If so, pay close attention to this week’s video. (You’ll get more sleep and your baby’s dentist will thank you…)

Daniela writes:

“My baby is 12 months old and he has never slept through the night. I put him to bed at 8:00 P.M. with no problems but four hours later, he needs a bottle of milk. I feed him in bed with me and then he wakes again around five or six and needs another bottle. He won’t go to sleep without it. I tried to replace it with water and tea but he won’t take it. He screams until he gets his milk.”

First, I’m going to assume that the “tea” Daniela mentioned doesn’t mean what I think it means. We definitely don’t want to give a baby any kind of caffeinated beverage during the night if we want them or us to get any sleep. Okay?

There are some things when it comes to our children that just have to “non-negotiable.”

As an example, sunscreen is a “no-nnegotiable” in my house. There have been times in their lives when my children hated putting on sunscreen. They’d cry, they’d put up a fight, they’d yell “No! No! I don’t want it!” But sunscreen is not up for discussion; it’s a “non-negotiable.” They have to wear sunscreen. There’s no way around it. It is going to happen and we can do it the easy way or we can do it the hard way.

Eventually, they make the wise decision of taking the “easy way” and let me put sunscreen on them.

Brushing their teeth is another “non-negotiable.” At some point in their life, they’ve all resisted the idea of having their teeth brushed. They don’t always like doing it, but guess what; you have to get your teeth brushed. It has to happen; it’s going to happen. Again, should we do it the easy way or the hard way? Eventually, they choose the “easy way.”

Daniela needs to think about her baby’s bottle in the same way; it really has to be “non-negotiable.” It’s not good for his teeth, not good for his sleep and it sounds like it’s not good for her sleep either. And by 12 months of age, there are no good reasons for him to need a bottle anytime during the night.

Daniela says that putting him to bed with a bottle is no problem. But I’d guess that he is bottle feeding himself to sleep or pretty close to it at bed time. That is a problem and that needs to stop. Her first step has to be getting rid of the bottle at bedtime.

I’m a firm believer in a baby not needing a bottle after the age of one. Her baby is one, so it’s time to move away from the bottle and introduce a sippy cup of milk into his bedtime room.

Since the bottle has been a big part of his sleep strategy, don’t be too surprised if he goes on a “milk strike” when he’s offered the sippy cup. He will put up some protest when it shows up instead of the bottle but remember that it’s nonnegotiable. It’s the sippy cup or nothing. Period. Eventually, if he is really hungry for some milk, he’ll have the sippy cup. He will come around to the idea.

After the sippy cup, we will have to brush his teeth. We don’t want him going to bed without clean teeth. After teeth brushing, he should go into his crib awake, without a bottle. No more bottles before going into the crib and no more bottles in the crib.

He will probably have a tough time learning how to fall asleep without relying on the bottle. But he did learn how to fall asleep with the bottle; he can definitely learn to fall asleep without it. It just has to be one of those things that you’ve decided is best for him and now you’re going to stand by that decision. It’s non-negotiable.

When the baby wakes in the night looking for a bottle, you could offer him a sippy cup with water…but that’s it. Chances are, if he wants that bottle, he’s not going to be very happy with a sippy of water but you have to keep offering it. That is the only option; sippy of water or nothing at all.

It may be a bit easier if mom stays in the room with him during the transition. At times like this the baby can be calmer and less demanding for his bottle of milk if mom stays awhile, so that’s okay.

Bring a chair and sit beside the crib. Keep telling him “it’s sleepy time” while you lay him back down, and keep at this until he goes back to sleep without the bottle.

Sometimes a mom’s presence in the room makes things worse on them. If that’s the case, leave the room and check back in every ten minutes. Remind him each time that “it’s still nighty night” and that there are no more bottles until the morning. He will be demanding but he will go to sleep eventually without a bottle. Every baby is definitely capable of doing this.

After you’ve made the commitment to do this, it’s just really a matter of time. The good news is once they learn to fall asleep independently without the bottle, they become great sleepers. They sleep through the night and wake up refreshed. And mom wakes up rested and refreshed as well. It really is a win-win situation for both mom and baby.

Daniela does have this hill to climb with her son though. It isn’t always easy to get there, but it’s definitely worth the effort. Her son falling asleep with a bottle and then demanding a bottle in the middle of the night will not stop on its own. Daniela needs to stop it. It’s non-negotiable.

Most children who have these sort of sleep struggles continue to have them for years because the parents tell themselves “that’s what he needs,” whether it’s a bottle in the middle of the night, crawling in bed with you or some other type of sleep problem. Until they learn that they don’t “need it,” and learn to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own, most kids won’t outgrow that sort of thing. That’s where their parents come in. Remember, some things are non-negotiable!