Please watch my video on what to do when your baby wakes up too early.
Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
Are you giving your baby some mixed signals that could cause nighttime wake ups? This week’s question comes from Elena, and she writes:
“I’ve been using the Sleep Sense Program with my nine-month old son for the last three weeks and it’s working really well. But, I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right. He goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00 p.m. He’s waking at least one or two times in the night but falling back to sleep on his own, then he wakes up at 5:30 a.m. and I go in and I nurse him and put him back in his crib. He’ll sleep for another hour so, wake up again and I bring him to bed with us so that we can get some more sleep. He falls asleep until 9:00 or 9:30 but only if he’s sucking on the breast, is this a problem?”
The bad news for Elena is that yes, it basically is a problem; you really want to be more consistent than that. The good news is that her baby is learning to fall asleep on his own at bedtime and making it through most of the night without too much intervention. My concern is that by feeding him at 5:30, you’re running the risk of teaching him that there’s still a night feed.
True, it is almost morning at 5:30, but the baby doesn’t know that. What can happen is that he’ll start to backslide. 5:30 becomes 5:00, then it becomes 4:30, then 4:00 and before you know it you’re back to middle of the night feeds.
He might also begin to think that if he wakes up once and gets a feed, then why not wake up and have a feed every time he opens his eyes? Instead of decreasing his night wakings, it might actually increase them.
It’s important to ask yourself, “Is there anything I’m doing in the night that might be confusing?” I think the answer here is yes, it could be confusing the baby. A feed at 5:30, bringing him to bed and then basically letting him nurse himself to sleep until 9:00 is confusing, and tiring. I’m not a morning person but my children have forced me to become one. I’ve learned to live with it, but starting the day out the way Elena is would be tough on anyone.
Elena’s son goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:00, so their day probably is going to start around 7:00 or 7:30 in the morning. I’d suggest that she stop the 5:30 feed. If he wakes up at 5:30, go in and tell him “its nighty night,” pat him on the back, tuck him in and leave the room.
You might have to go back in every five or ten minutes or so to check on him, but this would be a great time to send your supportive husband in. The baby knows he’s not going to get any sort of feed from dad so he’ll most likely go back to sleep faster because of that.
With you or your husband going in every five or ten minutes, hang in there until at least 6:00am. If the baby goes back to sleep, that’s great. If he’s not asleep by 6:00, you should probably get up and start your day. Take him somewhere new for the first breastfeed and be sure to keep him awake during the feed.
The good news is that a 6:00am wake up won’t stay there as he gets better and better at the routine. When he realizes that there really are no more night feeds and that he isn’t coming to bed with mom anymore, he’ll probably start sleeping until 7:00 or even later. Mom has got to hang in there though and be very consistent with no more night feeds and no more bringing the baby to bed with her.
All three of my kids come into our room every morning for a few minutes of cuddle time in bed before we start our day. Cuddle time is fine, but not for the purpose of falling back to sleep. My advice for this mom would be to move away from it altogether for at least a month and not have the baby come to mom’s bed. Once he’s sleeping consistently through the night, she can experiment with some morning cuddle time, but not for the purpose of going back to sleep. Completely erase that thought from your mind.
Elena is on the right track with her son. I’d just hate to see them backslide at this point though. She is on a slippery slope with what she’s doing. Eliminate those inconsistencies with him and get him sleeping through the night. Soon, you’ll both be sleeping well.
