Dana Obleman: Hi, I’m Dana Obleman, and welcome to this week’s video blog. Today, I want to talk about probably the number one most requested question I get asked and that is, “How do I get my kids to listen?” That is a loaded question, isn’t it? I know a lot of us feel like we’re broken records just saying the same thing over and over and over again, and getting nowhere with it. I want to give you a few tips and strategies for dealing with this problem. I know full well that it can be very frustrating. The first thing I want to talk about is the idea of listening. A lot of parents say to me, “My kids just won’t listen. I can’t get them to listen.” Well, the truth of the matter is they probably are listening to every word you say, they’re just not responding. I think we need to be very clear about that in our own minds.

If you’re talking to your child, chances are, they absolutely heard you. So it’s not a matter of not listening unless they have a hearing impairment. They’re totally listening, it’s just that they’re not doing what you’ve asked and that’s the big difference. The first thing I always suggest people do is get in the face of the child they’re talking to.

Really, that applies to any kind of communication. If you’re hollering from another room, chances are, people are hearing you, but they’re not driven to action because you’re not present. If you’re in the kitchen doing dishes and hollering for the kids to get their shoes on, chances are, they’re hearing you just fine. They’re just not going to get up or turn the TV off or make any kind of move to get their shoes on because you’re not engaged in the conversation in the first place.

You need to get right up in the child’s line of vision and make your request. This is a hard lesson to learn. Whatever you’re doing can wait. If you really need those kids to get their shoes on, then you need to drop what you’re doing, get down in your child’s line of vision and communicate what you need. “I need you to get your shoes on now.”

Then, get confirmation. Again, that’s another important component of a conversation is if you make a request, the person needs to respond with either a “Yes” or a “No.” I want some kind of confirmation. This takes some prompting. I’ll say to my children, “Can you get some shoes on please?” If nobody responds, I’ll say, “Please say ‘Yes, mom.'” Then, they say, “Yes mom” and now I know that they’ve heard me.

You need to get confirmation. Then, you need to get some action. Any time I feel like I’m becoming a broken record, it’s my fault. It means that I haven’t been clear enough with my consequences that my children are doing what I’ve asked on the first request. This is where consequences come into play. If I’ve asked you to get your shoes on, I’ve got confirmation from you that you’ve heard me. Two minutes later you are still sitting there not getting your shoes on, well, now there’s a consequence for that.

I like to give one warning so I would say, “That’s one.” Just by saying, “That’s one,” my children are clear now they need to jump into action or something’s going to happen. “That’s one,” still doesn’t get his shoes on, well, now there’s a consequence. I like time outs. I think they’re a great way to just be clear with what your expectations are. Most children do not enjoy having a time out.

Therefore, it is a really great consequence for something that’s not happening so I would say, “Listen, you didn’t get your shoes on, please go sit on the naughty step for two minutes or five minutes or however long is appropriate given your child’s age. That’s my favorite way to get children to respond to what I’ve asked them to do.

Get in their line of vision, get confirmation, give a consequence. It’s going to cut down the frustration level in your house. There is no point in repeating yourself over and over again because what that does is really kind of just drowned you out. I always think of Charlie Brown’s teacher. You know, she’s just “wah wah woh” in the background, but he’s really listening.

You don’t want to become that because that’s even more frustrating so catch yourself. If you feel like every morning your temperature rises and rises and you’re requesting the same thing over and over again,. Then you need to stop and you need to get really clear. I’ve made a request. I’m not being clear enough with my consequences and make the changes right from the start.

That’ll cut down the nagging, that’ll cut down the broken record feeling and that’ll get kids to actually do what you’ve asked them to do. Thanks for watching. Sleep well.