Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Melissa. Her daughter WAS sleeping through the night — until the arrival of her new baby brother! She writes:

“Hi, thanks for this videos — they helped a lot. Elise was sleeping through the night until the second week after her new baby brother came home. Now she does not want to go into her crib and is screaming for hours. She sometimes wakes once in the night and we have ended up bringing her into our bed. We are wondering if maybe she needs a toddler bed because she always seems to try to sleep in our bed? I just do not know what to do anymore… Please help!”

Often, what people end up doing is moving their toddler into a toddler bed before a new baby shows up because they need the crib for the new baby. I recommend that people don’t do that because I think that anything before two and half or three years old, is too soon to move to a toddler bed. Unless you have a toddler who is leaping out head first and you are worried about their safety, there is really no need to move if the child is happy in the crib. There is nothing wrong with them staying in the crib. I find that the closer to three that you can get, the better able the child is to understand the consequences of getting out of bed and understand the rules and the transition goes so much smoother.

Anything before around even the age of two, and I just find they cannot resist getting out of their beds and you get night visits. That can be really frustrating, so definitely do not move her to a toddler bed because it is not likely going to help. In fact, it may just make matters worse. Now that the new baby has come what may tend to happen is a regression in either sleep or potty training and it happens almost all the time. It is just a response to the change, to the new family member. If she was potty trained and a new baby comes, she might no longer be interested in going to the bathroom on the potty. Often if they are sleeping well before the new sibling, they decide all of a sudden they are not going to go to bed. The baby does not go to bed, so she does not want to anymore either.

I can remember my son when he was two and a half and his baby brother showed up. He went through a good week of screaming pretty intently at bed time. He just did not want to go. It really was in response to any family member and what I kept in mind was he that he was testing some boundaries. I did not want to have those boundaries shift because then I would worry that he would start to think that our rules were no longer rules. “Not only is there this new little person in my world but now what used be a rule is longer a rule. Who knows what the rules are and how many things can I get away with and I am just going to keep trying!”

I found that the behavior started out with just bed time and then it was temper tantrums through the day, and “I want more cookies!” It can just snowball.

What you need to remember when a new baby comes is that you really have to hang on tight to your boundaries. You cannot let things shift and slide and then bend rules here and there because you felt guilty for brining this new little person into her world. You have to hang on tight to boundaries otherwise a child will feel even more insecure. She pushes a boundary and all of a sudden it changes and it shifts. Now what? You are going to have to be firm with rules about the bedtime routine and about your expectations for her sleep. It might make the transition a little bit easier if you stay in the room with her when she is going to sleep; you could do the whole process of spending a night or two sitting beside her crib. Then move to the middle of the room, then a night or two by the door, a night or two just around but outside of the door and finally the hallway, just to get her over the apprehension she has about going to bed.

For the night wakeups, you are going to have to handle them and the same way, do not start bringing her to your bed. After a few nights in your bed and it is even harder to get her out of your bed, so be cautious. Again, you do not want to be inconsistent with how you handle things and I am guessing she did not used to come to your bed and now all of a sudden she can. You do not want to make her insecurity worse by all of a sudden changing your rules for her. I always suggest people alleviate their guilt in other ways – by making a little mommy-daughter time, going to the park together, or just taking her for ice cream. Definitely give her the attention she is craving, but in different ways than at bed time.

I hope that helps get you back on track with Elise. Thanks for your question and sleep well.