Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Tracey. She writes:

“My daughter is three and I think she may be ready to give up her naps. Can you give me some tips on the best way to do this?”

That’s a great question, Tracey. Most toddlers start weaning off of their naps anywhere between two and three years of age; it really becomes a choice for the parent. For example, if I were to put my three-year-old down for a nap, she would probably take one. She seems to get tired right after the lunch hour and if I let her take a nap, she’d probably sleep. The resulting problem comes at bedtime.

You see, I like my children to be in bed at 7:00pm so if she takes a nap and I try to put her to bed at 7:00pm, she’s probably not going to go off to sleep very quickly. She might be in there chatting, talking and even repeatedly coming out; all things that children do because when they are not tired enough. So a good (and usually the first) indicator that a child is ready to give up the nap is if bedtime is becoming a game, a struggle or even a sing song. My second child used to just lie in his crib and sing and for a good hour before he finally fell asleep and that told me he wasn’t tired enough at bedtime and that it was time to look at getting rid of his nap.

I’ve had lots of clients who say they really love nap time because it’s their break and they’d like to get a bit of work done, or whatever the case may be and so they decide to keep the nap. That’s fine to hang on to the nap, just keep in mind not to expect your toddler to then be ready for sleep at 7:00pm. You’ll have to adjust bedtime to something closer to 8:00pm. 8:30pm is about as late as I’d recommend for bedtime; it really depends on whether you would prefer an early bedtime or a bit of a later bedtime, with a nap involved.

Remember that if you’re ready to get rid of the nap, it means an adjustment. For anyone used to taking an afternoon nap, it’s going to take their body some time to get used to going without and it will be bit of a struggle for perhaps four to six weeks. Therefore, you can probably still expect some afternoon grumpiness around the usual nap time. If you’re out driving, your toddler is likely to fall asleep in the car if it’s his usual nap time; don’t panic, just make sure it’s a fairly brief 20 minutes or half an hour nap. That should be okay and still you can go ahead with your earlier bedtime.

I like just to encourage parents to use quiet time during this transition. When it’s what would have been nap time, send your toddler off to her room and give her half an hour of independent play without you involved. She can go to her room and do something such as coloring, playing with cars, and so on, but it is a quiet playtime and it should be a fairly calm activity. You can set a timer as you’re leaving, as well.

If you are having trouble keeping your toddler in the room or wherever the quiet time is, setting a timer is a good idea. Just tell them they need to play by alone until they hear the bell ring and then quiet time is over and can come out; that Mommy will be ready for them. That way, you still get a little bit of a break through the day and it makes things a little bit more relaxed before bedtime rules around. There is somewhat of a dinnertime meltdown when you’re getting rid of a nap and it might just be something you’re going to have to push through.

If your child is no longer napping, you’ve really got to have him ready for bed by 7:00pm at the latest or even 6:30pm if it’s been really hard on her to miss her nap. There’s no reason why she can’t go to bed at 6:30pm. In my opinion, there really is no such thing as too early to bed. If your child is tired, why fight it? Put your child to bed.

I hope that gives you some tips on how to get rid of the nap and it sounds like it’s probably time for your daughter to give that up. If she takes the odd nap in the transition period it’s not the end of the world, it just might mean that you have a bit more struggle at bedtime, getting her down to sleep. Once you’ve decided to get rid of the nap, I do find that it’s best to really push through with it and try to encourage the body to get in line with the idea of not napping. The more the body is exposed to that, the faster things are going to fall into place.

Thanks for your question and sleep well!