The #1 Word Parents Should NEVER Use...

There are many different approaches to parenthood and many different rules set out by experts and well-meaning friends, but I would like to share one thing that will truly help make your parenting life easier.

Kids are stubborn. They want what they want, when they want it, and most of them will keep asking until they get the answer they’re looking for. As many of us know, this persistence can try the patience of a saint. My solution to this involves a single word.

What is the one thing a parent should never say? You’re might be guessing “no” or “because I said so.”  These are both valid guesses, but I’m actually talking about the one word you should never say to yourself, and that’s….

“Whatever.”

When I catch myself thinking “whatever,” I know I’m about to make a huge parenting blunder.

It usually creeps up when my eldest son is doing something I like to call “badgering.” He asks a question I’ve already answered and he doesn’t like the answer so he keeps trying for a different one. Kids are pretty famous for this. Occasionally, especially after a long day when I’m feeling tired, I’ll feel the word “whatever” start to form in my mind. It means I’m not in the mood to fight with him about what he wants, and my exhausted brain is trying to give me a way out. Understandable. But very dangerous. If you let that tired brain win, you’re in for years of battles with this child.

When we change our minds after we’ve already provided our kids with an answer, we teach our kids that we don’t actually mean what we say and that chances are good we’ll give in if they just keep asking.

Here’s an example I witnessed the other day:

I overheard a mother and daughter in the store. The daughter was requesting a new pair of earrings. The mom’s first answer was, “No, not today,” after which the daughter, quite skillfully, asked the question again a few different ways. The mom said no again and again.

Then the daughter tried begging as a strategy: “Please, Mom, you said I could get a new pair if I cleaned my room. I did so well on my spelling test. Don’t you think I should get a little treat?”

Finally, and I could almost read the mom’s mind as it happened, the word “fine” came out of her mouth. She had been worn down, so she had told herself, “Whatever.”

So how do we avoid the wear-down to “Whatever”?

Here are my top two tips:

1. Think first. This one is so important. Before you give an answer to any question, you must stop and think about what your answer is going to be. It can be hard to stand behind what we say if we are not sure ourselves. If you need more time, just say, “Give me two minutes to think about my answer.”
2. Be ready to stand firm once you’ve given your answer some thought, even if it means your child is going to badger you incessantly. Be prepared to face some serious negotiating and begging as you start to teach your child that you mean what you say.

Even if you feel like the issue at hand is no big deal, such as watching five more minutes of TV or having two more Smarties, you still can’t back down. If you do, you are just welcoming the badgering, and it will happen pretty much every time you give your child an answer he doesn’t like. Kids have to know they can count on you to be straight with them and mean what you say.

Creating harmony, raising respectful children and enjoying the parenting experience are all tough things to do on a day-to-day basis. But hands up if these are the very things you want in your life that you’re not getting enough of. Luckily, there are ways to make it easier.

I’ve put together an easy-to-follow and easy-to-use program called Kids: The Manual that can help you achieve all of these things. If you know me, you know that I’m all about creating a tangible plan. I’m not going to give you vague tips and ideas, but a real action plan to put in place!

You can check it out for yourself right here!