Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Alice, who is sharing a room with her seven-month-old daughter. She writes:

“My seven-month-old daughter is breastfeeding and she wakes up four times during the night. Sometimes she is eating and she just sucks it in and falls back to sleep. She also falls asleep during feeding. How can I stop that? She does not like to take a bottle and she sleeps in the same room as us.”

It is okay that she does not take a bottle; it doesn’t matter. It does not make a baby sleep better if she takes bottles. You do need to look at though how she gets herself to sleep but it sounds like she definitely has a strong association between breastfeeding and sleep which is never good. She will just think she needs to eat all through the night and mainly to get herself back to sleep. The best way to start bed time is to make sure you have a nice routine set up, with a bath, brushing teeth, and a feeding.

I definitely suggest that people feed babies before bed because you do want to have them go through the night without food. If you are nursing though, you’ve got to keep her awake; don’t even let her start to fall asleep at the breast. You really want to break the connection that breastfeeding has anything to do with sleeping.

So as soon as you see heavy eyes or she looks like she is starting to fall asleep, poke her, tickle her, talk to her, take her off the breast and dance her around if you need to keep her awake through the feed. Some babies get a little bit agitated that you are not letting them fall asleep, especially if that is the way they are used to falling asleep, and she might just refuse to keep feeding. If you are going to keep waking her up she will probably just decide “Alright, I’m done with this thing.” and that is okay too. If she does not eat as much as she normally does for a night or two, it is going to be okay. At seven months old, as long she is of good healthy weight and has no problems with her health, there is really no reason why she needs to be eating in the night anyway. So start at bedtime, make sure she stays awake during that breastfeed and then goes into the crib awake.

You can even check on her or you can stay. You use key phrases like “It’s sleepy time now.” Or gentle touching might be enough, rub her back a little bit or stroke her cheek. There is nothing wrong with touching her as long as you do not actually allow her to fall asleep with your touch. You just want to be careful that when she learns this new skill of getting herself to sleep that you are not involving yourself in any way. You are there to be supportive and really nothing else. She needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own.

What you could do at first is keep a feed or two, if you do not think she is quite ready to go all night without a feed. You could keep one or two but make sure you do not nurse her back to sleep in the night either. Otherwise she will learn to put herself at sleep at bedtime but then she will think, yes, every time I wake up in the night my mom will just do it for me and I do not have to try.

Usually I find then that they just wake up through the night out of habit more than anything else. They want you to nurse them back to sleep and this just kind of goes on and on and on. So if you do keep a feed make sure she stays awake through the feed just like bed time. Poke her, tickle her, and talk to her and do whatever you need to do, to keep her with you through the feed. Do not let the feed linger and if she is not interested or if she is just using you by sucking, do not let her continue. She is then just using you as a pacifier. If she is not interested in eating then she goes right back to her crib.

That should really help get her skills she needs to sleep well and she should start sleeping right through the night. It might mean you are all up a little more because you are helping her get herself back to sleep and are encouraging it. It maybe it means you need to sleep out in the family room for a few nights until she gets the hang of it, but it’s only a few nights of being up a little more than you normally are, for a longer period of time. At least you are moving in the direction of change. At least you are moving in the right direction and it is all for a purpose of getting her to fall asleep on her own and learn how to do this.

Otherwise at this rate it, it can go on for another couple of months or another couple of years so it is definitely a change worth making, especially being the same room. She will get used to you being in the same room. She already is used to you being in the same room so she will get used to the noises that each of you make through the night and moving around.

So thanks for your question Alice, and sleep well!