Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Mary. She writes:

“I recently brought my 16-month-old on a holiday and during the vacation he had to sleep with me in the bed because there was no other room. I had him in a great routine beforehand and he was going to bed awake and sleeping through the night but now he screams every time try to put him in his crib and it is ruining my life.

I tried the crying out but he actually managed to jump out of his crib which frightened me, so now I have just given up and brought him to bed with me! What can I do? Please help. Do you believe in the cry it out method?”

It is not even a matter of whether or not I believe in the cry I out method. I think he wants to sleep with you and so if you do not let him, he is probably going to cry about that. It really is his only way of telling you what he wants — and what he wants is to sleep with you!

By the sounds of it, sleeping with you is not the ideal situation, and it is not a great night sleep for him either, so it really is important that you get things back on track. The good news is he is able to sleep well and he used to sleep on his own and through the night. Somewhere in his little self he knows how to do this. It’s really that he is off track and he ended up in bed with you so now he has decided that that is what he wants.

So it is about how they feel and they just love it. It is easier to get it back than to start right form scratch again. It is not like you are going to have to go through the same thing you went through initially, but it will be extra hard but because of his age. That does make it a little tougher because he is a toddler with willpower and they usually let their displeasure be known, so it is going to be a little bit more work.

You need to keep an eye on him because of the jumping out of the crib. I would suggest that you start with bedtime. Do your routine and put him in his crib and get him used to sleeping in his crib again on his own like he used to. I would follow the stay in the room method and I would spend three nights by his crib.

If it looks like he is going to try to jump out or put his leg up on the bar just say no a few times but do not draw too much attention to it. You do not want him to think that jumping out really gets a reaction out of you, because he might start jumping out all the time. So you say “no” because jumping out is not okay. After he tries it just kind of move his foot away or encourage him to lie down. Try coaxing him to the mattress and say lay down it is sleeping time. Stay until he just sleep and then every three nights move a little further away until you get yourself right into the other room again.

Because he has jumped out of his crib, I would not wait 10 minutes before you go in if he wakes, because in 10 minutes he might jump out. As soon as you hear him, go in and sit down in your chair and tell him it is still sleepy time. Try laying him down a few times, coaxing him down and wait him out until he is back to sleep. You will find that the crying will be less because you are still there and you have not left him alone.

He will probably want to be in your bed so you will have to deal with that issue but if you just keep repeating it’s sleepy time and show him he needs to stay in his crib he definitely will go back to sleeping well. Keep that in mind for traveling. I know it can be tricky and cost a bit more for an extra bed, or cot. There are all kinds of the things to take into consideration when you travel, but really you’ve got to watch out for that. If you share a bed with him every time you go somewhere you could be starting all over every time you get back.

I always suggest to people that you try to keep things as close to home as you can, which means if he has his own space at home you should definitely have his own space when you travel. That meant we had had to find a one bedroom suite when we went away, with all our kids in one room and we slept out on the hide-a-bed. Those are the little sacrifices I have to make in order for my children to continue to be good sleepers even when we travel.

Try not to over schedule yourselves when you travel a few days. A few days of missing naps and going to bed too late can create a situation where your child still retires but by that point that he might howl all the harder at bed time because he is so tired. Keep your consistency the same when you travel. Try to keep the environment the same when you travel and you shouldn’t have to go through this again.

Good luck with that Mary, and sleep well.