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Dear Mommy Martyrs...

I remember talking to a dear friend one time about her mother. She was telling me in a very loving way, about all the things her mother use to do for the family. How her mother put everyone else before herself and sacrificed everything for her family.

As I listened to her talk, I knew she meant it all as a sincere and heartfelt compliment to her mom, but I couldn’t help thinking…

“Is THAT how I want to be remembered?”

I can remember my own mom doing it all.

Working a full time job, making dinners, raising us kids, cleaning the house, doing the laundry.

And guess what?

Most of the time, I remember her being pretty darn grouchy and tired.

This got me to thinking about how willing we (the mothers of this world) are becoming “Mommy Martyrs.”

The very definition of that word — “martyr” — means that we’re willing to sacrifice something of great value, even life itself, for the sake of principle.

And while we’re obviously not physically killing ourselves, I often think we’re sacrificing too much.

I mean, the IDEA of a mother putting her family’s needs before her own certainly seems honorable, but what does that actually look like?

Does it mean you honestly think everyone else’s wants and needs are more important than your own?

Does it mean that you are truly happy and fulfilled seeing others get all they need… even when it means you are not living your own life?

Here is what I know for sure.

I know that I have needs and wants, and that they’re just as important as anyone else’s.

I know that if I don’t take care of myself physically and emotionally, (and for me that means regularly scheduled nail and hair appointments, among many other things) I start to get cranky.

And when I get cranky, I am not as good of a mother, wife, friend or business owner as I am when I am feeling PERSONALLY happy and fulfilled.

I know this sounds a little “selfish” to a lot of people, but try thinking of it this way:

If your children or husband knew that you were sacrificing your own happiness for them, how would they feel?

Would they say, “Thanks Mom! That’s really big of you” and carry on with their day?

Of course not.

Your happiness is as important to your family as theirs is to you.

It may not feel that way sometimes, but if you asked them, sincerely, if they valued your happiness above the folded laundry and the rides to soccer practice, what would they tell you?

We’re moms. It goes with without saying that each and every one of us would give our lives to save our children.

But guess what?

Nobody’s asking us to!

And so, like more and more women I know, I refuse to be a “Mommy Martyr.”

My children know that I think their needs are important. But they also understand that their needs are no more important than mine.

Listen, I get that my kids will always see me as the “Mom” who makes sure they have clean laundry… puts healthy meals on the table… and hassles them to do their chores.

But I also know that they will see me as inspiring.

They will see me as enthusiastic.

They will see me as happy and fun.

They will understand that they play a BIG part in making me feel that way.
However, they will also understand that I have an identity outside of being their mother, which means I take time to do things “just for me.”

Yes, this means that I trade “family time” for “me time.”

But it’s a trade I’m 100% willing to make, because I know for certain that it’s the best thing for me AND my family.

Also, if you’re ready to get your baby sleeping 11 – 12+ hours a night, check out The Sleep Sense Program. Click the button below to learn more.

Learn more.


Certified Sleep Sense Consultant Tip

“Toddlers and preschoolers are notorious for pushing boundaries and giving stall tactics, but bedtime and nap-time should be non-negotiable! You want to set rules and expectations for your child, then be prepared to follow through with consequences and/or rewards when those rules are either broken or successfully followed.

Bedtime routine and reward charts are two things that can help your child feel excited about the whole process. For example, if your child feels like he has some control over his bedtime routine (i.e. he gets to check things off as he goes along), then he is more likely to cooperate with the implementation of it.​”

Ronee Welch
Sleeptastic Solutions
(484) 951-0902

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Dana’s Sleep Blog

Straight talk about sleep, parenting,
babies, toddlers, relationships… and
just about anything else!
My blog is a great place to find opinions, advice, the occasional rant, and some great videos about sleep.

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