Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Toddlers are a force of nature.

They have seemingly endless energy, and for some parents it can feel like their little darlings are spending every living moment thinking up new ways to argue and assert themselves.

Tantrums, defiance, hitting, biting, whining…name an annoying behavior and your toddler is probably doing it!

As a general rule, toddlers are trying to establish their place.

They want to know what their boundaries are, and once they figure them out, they want to push on them and see if they shift and change.

They want to feel like they have some power and do not want to be told what they can and can’t do or say.

Fun, right?

Hitting is really just another way for them to assert themselves, and it can be a test as well. How much will people freak out? How often can they get away with it?

Once they discover it works, they will definitely want to keep using it as a tactic.

A kid took their plastic banana at the play kitchen in preschool? No way is that happening. Mom’s trying to make them put their shoes on when they don’t even want to go home in the first place? No, thanks.

And sure, the child can cry or yell, but once they try hitting they will discover VERY fast that it gets results.

The kid who took the banana erupts into tears, and the toddler thinks, “Cool…I did that?”

So what can you do about this troubling behavior?

Well, first of all, make sure that you have very clear boundaries with your child. This starts with daily routines like bedtimes and meal times, but can also extend to how much TV he watches or how many stories you read him at night.

When you create a safe, secure environment your toddler will know what to expect and will be less likely to have outbursts.

You can also offer choices so she feels like she has some of that power she so desperately craves. Tell her she can choose the blue dress or the white dress. If you’re making her a sandwich tell her she can have peanut butter or cheese.

Giving her little choices will keep her from getting so frustrated as she goes about her day. Setting this foundation is important, but you will probably still need some ways of dealing with hitting specifically.

Here are my tips for helping your little prizefighter keep his hands to himself.

1. Remove your child

No matter where it happens, your child needs to know immediately that it was not okay that he hit someone.

If it happens at playgroup or at the park, take your child home.

Explain that he must never hit another child and that if he does, you will always leave. He will not like this, trust me.

You don’t have to get angry, and you can calmly explain the situation, but be clear that you won’t budge on it.

If you can’t pack up and go home because you’re at a dinner party or visiting relatives, remove your child from the room where the hitting occurred.

2. Use your words, but sparingly

Do not fall into the trap I see so many parents do, which is spending twenty minutes explain to your child that hitting hurts and that it hurts people’s feelings and that it hurts Mommy when she sees her child hitting other children and that hitting is unkind etc. etc.

You want to say simply, “No hitting!” and remind your child to use his words.

3. Time-outs

This can be an effective way for dealing with a chronic hitter.

If your child hits once, issue a warning, and if it happens again, give her a timeout. Remember to use the “minute per age” rule, so if your child is three, give her a three-minute time out.

As with everything parent-related, make sure you stay consistent.

These strategies don’t work if you only do them sometimes; your clever toddler will soon have you figured out and will know exactly what to do to bend the rules.

Good luck!

Also, if you’re looking for a discipline system designed to eliminate some of the most common behavior challenges in kids aged 2 – 12, you can check out Kids: The Manual.

Learn more here.