Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

Is your child a “Soother Junkie?” If you’re ready to start breaking the habit, here’s some advice to make the transition easy on your AND your child.

This week’s questions comes from John, who asks:

“It’s time to get rid of my daughter’s pacifier. She’s two-and-a-half and uses it for naps and bedtime. She sleeps through the night but occasionally I have to go in and find it for her. She asks for it a lot throughout the day and we’ve been giving in. Lately, she wants it even more instead of less. How do I wean her off of the soother?”

First, in my opinion there really is no easy way to wean them from a pacifier. Putting restrictions on it like “only in the morning” or only for “10 minutes” might even increase their obsession with it and make them even more attached. When you start restricting things, that can make them want it even more.

I’ve heard of parents setting up scenarios where they tell their toddler that “The pacifier fairy is coming tonight to take away all the pacifiers and replace them with a present.”

My problem with strategies like that is that you’re putting the onus on your toddler. It’s like asking “Are you willing to give up your soother and replace it with a new bike or doll?” They just aren’t yet able to fully understand what the consequences might be. If you ask them if they want a piece of chocolate now or a chocolate bar later; most toddlers will want the piece now, without thinking about later. They might agree with the “pacifier fairy” plan, but when bedtime rolls around and they don’t have it, you’re probably going to get a lot of protest.

I also worry that this tactic might demand too much of them. When you say to them “Remember, you agreed that the fairy could take all the soothers?” That puts your toddler in a sticky spot, as if it’s their fault for giving up the pacifier. That sort of pressure is too much for a child so small. Don’t forget, you are the parent. You make the choices and decisions you think are best for your child, and then you have to follow through with them.

Depending on their age level, you could sit down and have a discussion with them about it, something along the lines that you’ve decided that it’s time for them to say “goodbye” to the soothers. Perhaps you could suggest that they help pack the pacifiers up and give them to a new, younger baby you both know. Maybe the two of you can gather up all the pacifiers and throw them away together. Whatever you decide, definitely get your toddler involved in the process. And remember, you are the boss, you are the parent. You make the decision, not your toddler.

Once the pacifiers are gone, they need to really be gone. Don’t hide them in a drawer, throw them away. That way, the temptation to pull one out “in case of an emergency” is completely out of yours and your toddler’s hands.

There will be a couple of days where they’ll be adjusting to life without their soother; the times they need it during the day and especially falling to sleep. There probably will be some tears at bedtime, they may change their mind about it, and perhaps even try some tantrum-like behavior. Nine times out of ten though, it’s a pretty mild experience. Your toddler might ask for their soother, but your response could be as simple as “It’s gone… there is no more soother.”

The idea of taking away a pacifier is usually much more frightening to the parent than it is to the child. When I tell clients “Okay, we’re going to take away the pacifier,” they cringe, give each other concerned looks or give a nervous laugh. They have a lot of reservations knowing how attached their child is. Surprisingly, within a couple of days, it’s completely forgotten.

Weaning your child from their soother could be an opportunity to learn some new ways of getting to sleep as well. If you’re concerned that going from a pacifier to nothing at all might be too big of a jump, you could try the “stay in the room” method.

With this method, you put your child to bed without their soother, and then sit beside them in a chair to ease the transition. After a couple of nights you move further away, sort of sitting in the middle of the room. A few nights later you’ll sit at the door and eventually totally out of the room altogether.

They may have a couple of questions and perhaps even a few demands. Usually within a night or two though, their concerns are completely gone. This might make the transition for your toddler a little smoother.

Finally, there is no easy way to wean them from their soother. The “cold turkey” approach is the best…”No more soothers. They’re gone.” Both you and your toddler will get through it though and eventually be sleeping well.