Guilt for sleep training can be difficult to deal with. In today’s video chat I talk about how not to feel guilty for sleep training. Click the video below to watch.
How To Not Feel Guilty For Sleep Training Your Baby
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Dana Obleman: Hi, I’m Dana. Welcome to this week’s chat. Today, our question comes from Randy. She’s wondering if I have some suggestions or ways to not feel guilty about sleep training your baby. I actually love this question.
I get emails periodically from people who have issue with what I do and what I teach. If I’m being totally honest, it makes my blood boil a little bit because I feel like there’s so much pressure on parents in this day and age to be perfect and do everything right. There’s so much guilt involved in parenting, to begin with.
I don’t think it’s fair to attack other people for the choices that they make. What I want to advise you, Randy, today, is first of all, remember why you’re doing this. Remember that. This is not punishment to your child. You are not trying to do anything negative. What you’re really trying to do, is teach your baby to sleep well.
In my opinion, sleeping well is a beautiful gift to give your child. I look at my own kids who are now 12, 10, and 8. They are beautiful sleepers, they’ve always been. I taught them how to be that. They honor their own sleep needs, they have no issue with going to bed at night, they sleep at 12 hour a night until to this day, and they’re great kids, straight A students.
I really believe that’s because they sleep well, and they always have. It is a beautiful gift. I don’t know what you need to do to remind yourself of that. Perhaps, you could put little post it notes all around the house that say, “Sleep is beautiful gift to give my child,” to remind yourself that that is the whole goal here.
It’s not selfish. It’s about giving your child the skill she needs to become a really great sleeper, an independent sleeper. You have needs, too. Again, it gets me fired up because sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It has been used historically to torture others. It is a necessity that we all need in order to function well in this world.
The fact that you’ve been getting months, or years even of broken sleep, and that you’re questioning that and you’re concerned about your own well being, is fair and valid. You should honor it because it’s necessary.
I can’t be the best mother that I can be, I can’t be a good spouse, I can’t be a good friend, I can’t do well at work if I’m not sleeping well. You want to see me turn into a grouchy bear? Just have me sleep really for a night, and you can quickly see the difference in my overall well being and personality. Again, it’s all for the greater good.
You’re going to feel better, you can have more time to dedicate to the people in your life, your baby’s going to be sleeping better, doing better. It’s all really positive. I know when you’re in it, it feels like a really big mountain you have to climb, and it gets a little tough at times. But just always, keep inside the bigger picture.
One other tip I’m going to give you before I say goodbye, is to minimize your searching around online. All you have to do is type in “sleep training,” or “thoughts about sleep training,” and you’ll get bombarded with people’s opinions.
Some positive, some negative, some just downright mean.
You don’t need to bring that into your life when you’ve already made the decision around it. Only find people who will support you through this, who will help you with this, who will cheer you on, who will remind you about why you’re doing this. It will really help you stay focused. It will keep your goals in mind, it will give you motivation and inspiration to keep going until you see success.
Thanks so much for that question. Sleep well.
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Transcription by CastingWords