Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Nicole. She writes:

“My daughter is five months old. She has her last feed at 7 p.m. and will sleep for about nine hours. Then she will be awake from 4 a.m. for about two to three hours. I tried re-settling her, letting her cry or giving her a feeding but nothing seems to work. I have a toddler, so I am conscious of not wanting to wake her. My toddler wakes up 7 a.m. so basically I start my day at 4 a.m. Any advice?”

Okay Nicole, let’s start at the beginning. You’ve have not said exactly how she falls asleep at 7 p.m.; just that her last feed is at that time. So, I wonder if she nurses or bottle feeds to sleep perhaps. The good news is that she does sleep for a nine hour stretch; that’s really great, especially if you are nursing or bottle feeding her to sleep initially at bed time. Then, she is awake for a good part of the night; (and I would consider 4 a.m. still “night”) without re-settling.

Let’s look at bedtime. If you are already doing this next step, great! For those of you out there five month olds who are not implementing this, then this a good time to start.

Going to bed at 7 p.m. is great: that’s a perfect bed time! What you do leading up to bedtime is what we need to look at. It’s important to do a bedtime routine and I recommend starting it with a bath. I think it’s a great way to signal a child or baby that it is night time and it’s something that is so significantly different from anything else that goes on in the day. After a bath, get her into her jammies and have the last feed. It is important that she have a feed before bed, especially if you want to her to go through the night (or most of the night) without one. If she is nursing or bottle feeding, be careful not to allow her to fall asleep at the breast or the bottle. I know there is a fine line between drowsy and awake and some people say, “Well, she’s half awake.” but keep in mind, that she’s also half asleep in saying that. Make sure she is wide awake through the feed, therefore wide awake when she goes into the crib.

Usually, if a baby has been using the breast to get really drowsy, they will expect you to provide the same thing for all night waking. They are likely to think, “I know I need to get to sleep by getting really drowsy using the breast and then I can do the last little bit on my own.” They will feel like they need that “prop” in order to get back to sleep every time they wake, and may wake more often.

If you are having that kind of struggle, the solution really is to look at the bedtime routine. Make sure that your baby has a feed, and stays awake through it. You can try some playful poking, tickling, talking to them, and turning lights on. You may even need to take the bottle or breast out of her mouth for a moment or two, and begin again. Keep them stimulated through the feed to ensure they are not using you or the bottle as a part of their journey to sleep.

The next step is to ensure that she goes into her crib at bedtime, wide awake. That might mean that there will be an adjustment period; what previously could have been a smooth bedtime, might become slightly more challenging for a few nights. She is will be learning how to fall asleep more independently, without relying on the precursor of the breast or bottle. Don’t panic if bedtime seems a little off; it’s part of the process of her learning how to get to sleep from a wide awake state.

With regard to the night waking, I normally recommend waiting five or ten minutes before you go in. When dealing with a night waking, it’s better to give the baby a chance to try to get herself back to sleep. When dealing with a 4 or 5 a.m. wake up (early waking, rather than night waking), being that it is so close to morning , a child may feel that it’s time to get up. In that case I suggest you go in fairly quickly, rather than waiting. As soon as you hear her, just go in and tell her it’s still night-night. Give her back her blanket or teddy (whatever she is using as a lovey) and do a bit of shushing or patting to see if you can coax her back into another cycle of sleep. Stay for anywhere from two to five minutes and then make your exit. If she starts to cry, go in after another five or 10 minutes. Repeat the same process of soothing and leave again.

It sounds like you have a “mixed bag” of things that you try for soothing, such as feeding or walking her. Doing those things might just be confusing the issue, and depending on her weight gain, she might not even need to feed at all in the night. Often, and unless there is a concern about weight gain, I would say that at five or six months, children no longer really need those night feeds.

For the sake of clarity, run it by your doctor and if you are not comfortable with that idea yet, you can offer those feeds. Just make sure she stays awake through the feed is not using your breast or the bottle to get herself half way (or all of the way) back to sleep. Otherwise, pull the feeds altogether.

In that case, it’s best not to offer a feed at all anymore because it might just confuse her. It could be even more stimulating to add calories into her system through the night and it might be even harder for her to hang in there until 6 a.m. I would not let her get up or start the day with her at that point. I would just continue to leave and check on her until either 6 o’clock rolled around or she went back to sleep. If she is still up and it is 6 a.m., then go ahead, get her up and start the day with her.

Then give her the first morning feed and then off you go with your day until her first nap time rolls around. It sounds like there might just be some mild confusion to her sleep skills and you can help by being really crystal clear of what those are for her. If she starts relying on them 100% of the time, then she should start sleeping straight through. A nine hour night is not enough for any baby that I know and she should be getting at least 11 or 12 hours of night time sleep. So there is no reason why she cannot consolidate that last chunk and get through till morning, but might take a bit of work on your part.

Thanks for your question Nicole, and sleep well!