Please watch my video below on what to do when your baby wants to nurse all night.
Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Cynthia:
“I have a unique situation. I share a room with my baby and I also have a roommate. Jewel is 15 months old and she wants to nurse all night. I put her in the crib at 7:00 and she goes to sleep fine but she wakes up around 9:00 or 10:00 when I go to bed and because I’m so tired, I pull her into bed with me and the cycle begins… Help!”
That is not as unique a situation as you would think Cynthia. There are many people who use the Sleep Sense Program that are in the same position. They share a room with their baby or their baby shares a room with a sibling. The worry is always, how do I do this without waking up the entire house and you have mentioned you also have a roommate. Therefore, your fears are probably, “If I try to sleep train, is she going to be keeping my roommate up all night and because she’s in the same room with you, is that going to make the situation more difficult.”
Sometimes it actually does make the situation a little bit more difficult but it’s definitely doable. As I said, many people are in the same boat. It really can work and we will talk about how to make this work for you. Now I’m guessing at bedtime that you nurse her to sleep, you haven’t come right out and said that but the fact that she is nursing all night long would lead me to believe that she uses nursing as her strategy to get to sleep.
That is where I would make your number one goal to make some changes around bedtime and I would start by setting up a nice bedtime routine for her. If bedtime is about 7:00 then you start your routine about 6:30 and you do maybe a bath, you get her in her PJ’s, and maybe read a story or two.
If you want to stick with the nursing, then you would give her a feed before bed but make sure that she stays awake through the whole feed. By awake, I mean awake, eyes open, not drowsy, not fading in and out, I mean awake. You will have to do a little bit of work to keep her awake.
It might involve some tickling, poking, or calling her name. Given her age, you can even say, “no sleeping,” it will be a little bit of a struggle at first because it’s so much a part of her strategy. To break that can be a little tricky but just keep her awake and make sure that she’s getting a relatively good feed but not lingering there and making her journey into sleep.
If you were ready to give up nursing, then you would just completely pull that from your bedtime routine. Maybe offer her a drink of water or milk from a sippy cup as part of the routine instead. Then she would go into her crib wide-awake and because you’re in the room part of the night anyway, I would suggest that you do the stay in the room method for Jewel.
Bring a chair in and sit right by the crib for the first three nights and then she’s probably going to be standing and maybe walking around the crib and possibly crying at this point for you to rescue her and nurse her. You are just going to be a supportive presence in the room to say key phrase like “it’s sleepy time,” and try laying her down a few times.
You can do some careful touch. If she actually lies down, you can reinforce that with bit of praise and a few pats or strokes on the cheek but just be cautious because you want her to fall asleep on her own, you don’t want to lull her to sleep with your talking or your touch.
Then as the day goes by, you are going to move away. I usually suggest three days by the crib, three days in the middle of the room, and three days by the door and then you’re out. That should teach her how she can do this without relying on you to nurse her through the night because that’s where the tricky part seems to lay especially around 9:00 or 10:00.
You can be sure she’s going to be awake around then looking forward to coming to bed with you and starting the nursing again. You are going to go back to your chair, wait her out, be supportive, and fairly neutral reminding her it’s still sleepy time until she goes back to sleep in the crib. You cannot bring her to bed with you and you definitely cannot nurse her; you want to stay away from those two things. You can encourage her to find ways of getting back to sleep that are not reliant on you and the nursing.
For your roommate, I usually find are understanding and supportive. He must know what you’re going through to some extent and if you explain why you are doing this and the outcome you are hoping for, most people are there to help if they can or at least bare with you while you go through it.
Buy him some earplugs or something for the few nights it will take Jewel to get accustomed to sleeping in her own crib and do not worry about her being in the room with you. We just want to teach her how to get to sleep on her own with her own skills not relying on the nursing, just because you are there, that should not matter.
She may find comfort in the fact you are in the same room but once she has her own skills for sleep, then she is dependent on herself and not on you. The fact that you share a room should not be an issue at all which will make it easier down the road when you no longer want to share a room. Again, because she has her own skills, the transition should be relatively easy.
Thanks for your question, and sleep well!
The little boy I baby-sit is almost two. He screams every time I try to play with him. He also hates it when his mom leaves him. I don’t know what to do.
I baby-sit an almost 2-year-old, who always cries when his mom leaves him with me. I think it’s because I baby-sit him at my own house. Is this true? How can I stop him from crying to the point where he hurts himself?
I am mother of 1 year old twin girls. They have just been diagnosed with Asthma along with Allergies. They have YET to sleep through the night. They have their own beds but have not managed to sleep all night. I’ve tried to let them cry it out but that is so overwhelming for me considering I work full time and go to school full time. I NEED SLEEP!!!! Please help!
Hi my son is 1 month old and as a lot parents I have the same problem of him waking up every 2hrs but I’m really confuse because I really think he wakes up because he’s hungry, I can tell because he try to eat his hands not sucking like a lot babies, and because he is having so much gas I can’t put him down in around 30 minutes because he would throw up( doctor’s order).. Around 5:30 – 6AM I have to rocking him for a long time so he would fall asleep for another 2hrs and sometimes less. I recently started putting him in his crib for naps and it worked for like 3 days but then he started waking up almost immediately and at night around 10 – 11pm he refuse to go sleep and cry a lot and I have to walk with him and do anything to calm him.. I know he is still small but I want to start now and don’t wait until is too late.. Please any advice..Thanks
Help! My daughter is now 2. She sleeps with me, still nursing and doesn’t sleep through the night. She still wants to feed 2 to 3 times during the night. I am totally exhausted. It’s really starting to ware on me. Do you have supper nanny’s number?
Hi Dana,
I began to try your program this morning with my 7 month old girl, Erin. She only has 2 very short naps through the day (no longer than 30 mins) and needs to be nursed for both of those. At night I have tried to get her into her cot, and she will last about an hour but then will cry so much it is scary until I pick her up and nurse her again. She can wake as much as every hour for a nurse. I am exhausted!! and have very little energy or patience for implementing the early stages of your program. I tried this morning for her first nap and stayed in the room trying to reassure her for over 40 mins and she was extremly distressed. She also constantly rolls and stands up in the cot and I try to put her back down each tiime as you suggest but she still continues to stand. I am stuck. I am sooo tired and am not sure that I can manage the first 3 days of the program. Help.
princess still find it difficult to sleep by herself if i find out she want to sleep and i put her down she will be crying till i carry her. Also she wakes two times in the night to nurse. please i need your advice on what to do thanks
Dana,
Hi, my 22 month-old is still having a very difficult time getting to sleep & staying asleep for both naps and nighttime. He slept in bed with us for 17 months then we moved to a new house and he started sleeping in his room. We put him in a toddler bed because at 12 months he threw himself over the railing of his crib and I was terrified to put him back in there. He also used to nurse to sleep every night & once he was weaned I really didn’t know how to get him down. I feel like I am losing my mind and my exhaustion is getting the best of me. Sometimes it takes 2 hrs to get him to bed and often he won’t nap at all. Please help me, I am at the end of my rope! Thank you so much,
Jenny
Hi Dana,
My little boy, Adam, six weeks old, seems to have his days and nights mixed up. He sleeps off and on during the day, usually with one long nap in the morning, and then is up from about 2-6 am every night. But he’s not up and happy. He’s usually fussy and cries and seems to want to sleep but just won’t. It’s a pretty rough time and I was wondering if you had any tips to changing this around.
Thank you,
Janelle
My 5 month old was sleeping good up until the last few weeks. He was sleeping through the night and if he did wake, he would cry for only 10 min and fall asleep without me having to go in to him. We have had the same routine since birth. Bath, bottle, story, rocking and bed. Over the past few weeks we have been working on putting him in his crib awake. He usually fusses 10 min and then falls asleep. We stopped swaddling him during naps and falls asleep on his own and sleeps for 45 min to an hour. My problem is at night, we still swaddle him and he breaks out of it in the middle of the night and can’t get himself back to sleep. The other night I went in and swaddled him again but he was fighting it. So then I swaddled him with one arm out and layed him back down. He cried and flung his arm all around. I went in to check on him every 15-20 min. If I patted him and left he cried harder. If I picked him up to calm him down, he got mad when I put him back in his crib. This went on for 2 hours. Finally I went and swaddled him and rocked him until he fell asleep. I did not know what else to do. I did not want to get back in the habit of rocking him or feeding him in the middle of the night. I am afraid if he doesn’t start off at night being swaddled, he will wake up only after 45 min of sleep.
Hi Dana, I recently started using your speep sense program and am finding it wonderful although almost afriad to say that in case my son of 12 months decides to then later tonight prove me wrong!! My question is about how I will manage to maintain the good routine etc whilst we are on holdiy with some frined in a cottage. There will be 4 mums and 4 babies so I will be sharing a room with my son. I cm dreading it now as I am concerned he will want to come back into my bed or wake up /be disturned by the other babies ( of same ages) in the night? Please help! Am wishing I never agreed to go now! Thanks Martha
My son is 7 weeks old – which I realise may be a little young for me to be worrying about (but after having 2 children who were non-sleepers, I am determined that this one will sleep!) but he has gone from sleeping from 2-3 hours every nap, to only sleeping for 30-40 minutes at a time. I then try to rock/pat him in his bassinette to get him back to sleep, which takes around 25 minutes, but then he will wake again at the 30 minute mark. He settles himself (usually with a pacifier), but even if it is in his mouth he will still wake up after 1/2 hour. Plus, on the rare occasion that he settles without assistance, he still wakes after 30 minutes…..
Please help!!!
My son Adam will wake up in the night to eat and then takes hours to fall back asleep. How can we get him to eat and then learn that he needs to go back to sleep during the night?
Thanks, Janelle
My 5 month old son absolutely refuses to take naps during the day. If he does happen to nap it’s only for a very short time, 15-30 mins. This is leaving him extremely cranky and fussy by the evening. Any tips on how I can get him to nap?
hi,i am shwetha.my baby is 7 and half month old.she is not sleeping at night.i mean whole night……she will sleep morning 9 am to 12.30 pm.after lunch 3 to 7 pm.again 8 to 8.30.pls help me.and give good shedule…..
My son has had a good night sleep schedule since he was 3 months old and good nap schedule since about 6 months, but I have noticed many bumps in the road since 8 months when he would start screaming his head off at bedtime for at least an hour. By 9 months I realized it was because his bed time had crept later and so I moved it back to 6 pm and that seemed to do the trick for bed time. My big issue is early morning wake-ups which lead to a messed up nap schedule. No matter what time he goes to bed, he is up at 5:30 am and refuses to go back to sleep until I feed him and he will wait me out a long time whether I go in and tell him to go back to sleep or don’t go in at all. He usually will not go back to sleep after even a quick feed in the dark, so he wakes up exhausted and the whole day of naps is hit or miss. He is now 10 1/2 months old and because of the early wakeup I never seem to get the right time for his nap. So he is lucky to get one successful nap a day and so I have been putting him to bed earlier at night lately at 5 – 5:30 because he is usually exhausted and cranky by 4:30. Help! How do I fix his day schedule?
hi my son timothy will be 2 february 22 and hi still not sleeping threw the nite. i have taken his sippy away and he still wakes up at nite.
please help i am tierd.
thanks kassandra
My 9 month ols son will fall asleep on his own when I put him to bed at night. He then wakes up at a minimum of 3 times a night and maximum of 12 times a night. He can’t seem to put himself back to sleep. My husband and I are exhausted. Sometimes he will wake up screaming as though he is in painand won’t stop. What can I do? Please help
Josh is 14 months old and wakes up in the morning anytime between 4.45 and 5.20 a.m. What can I do to make him sleep longer?
Many thanks
Michelle
Hi Dana,
I have a 15 month old daughter and she wakes up several times in the night. She is used to being rocked to sleep and in the night, wants to nurse when she gets up. How do you balance the line between leaving the baby in the crib to try to get her to sleep on her own and the fact that she won’t and gets overtired instead as her nap time is passing by.
Hi Dana,
I have a 10 month old boy who is a good sleeper at night but is an early riser. He goes to bed at 7pm, chats away to himself and is generally asleep by about 8/8.30pm. He then wakes between 5.30-6am. I don’t pick him up until 6.30am in the hope that he will go back to sleep but it is very rare that he does. He’s only getting between 9-10 hours sleep. His day sleeps are roughly at 8am for an hour, 11am for an hour and 3pm for 1.5 hours.
How can I get him to sleep longer during the night and wake a bit later like 7am? Would the Sleep Sense program help me?
Similar ? to Emma and Duncan. My 14 month old goes to bed at 7 pm and sleeps through the night (unless teething badly) but wakes at 6 am. I’ve noticed (on the rare day) when she wakes anytime before 5:30 am, she will go back to sleep after her bottle…. until 7:30 am. Should she therefore be able to sleep everyday until 7:30 am? If so, how do I push her wake up time to become later? Helpful info: She naps for ~ 1 hour everyday at daycare in a room full of other similar age babies (but usually has 2 naps on the weekends), her last feed at night is ~ 40 minutes before crib time, with lots of routine in between (books, diaper change, teeth brushing, sleep wear etc).
Hey Dana, thanks for taking the time to read my comment. I’m having a big problem with my daughter Alissa who’s 11 months old. She is breastfed before she goes to sleep and is now left slightly awake as she is put into bed. Most of the time she is aware and cries but within 20 minutes she gives up and falls asleep, but she is still waking up 2-3 times a night. I’m so tired that for the past 3 months she sleeps in our bed, and I want it to stop! What do i do? Now I just leave her in the crib, play music and rub her back until she goes to sleep, though it may take almost an hour. Is this the right step to go about this?
I know this isn’t exactly about sleep, as my 4 month old son has always slept very well but he is now turning over both ways and I can not get him to stay on his sleep positioner so he can stay on his back. He just gets off the positioner and is usually on his stomach when I check on him. I tried swaddling him so he can’t get his arms and legs out to flip over but he just gets hysterical if he can’t move his arms and legs. He will cry for an hour at a time, drift off for a while, and start crying and trying to get out of the swaddle.Is it just time to ditch the positioner? I worry about him sleeping on his stomach.
Jacob is 9 months. We have stoped nursing during the day and he still would like to nurse at night. We give him a bottle at bed time and through out the day. His first 4 months he was very collicy being up for three hours at a time crying would sleep for 20 minutes and then be awake crying again. He has gotten better but has a very hard time sleeping during naps and night. We have gotten him to sleep pretty well for his two naps a little over an hour each. At night he is up about every hour and a half. Crying wanting to sleep with us. Its exhausting. After about four or five times of him waking up I’m to tired and bring him in bed. We are trying your method of him being in his crib to fall asleep but it’s killing me to watch him cry. He cried one night for almost an hour with me right by his crib and patting him. Now it’s down to about 30 minutes at nap time but I have to rub his back or he cries and cries with me right by the crib. At night it takes about that long to get him to sleep at night as well. Even when he sleeps with us he is very restless and constantly waking up and only sleeps slightly better. Could crying be his mode to get to sleep? When does it start getting better?
Hi Dana
My 6 month old daughter sleeps in our room in her cot. Until 1 week ago she went to bed at midnight as she would not sleep earlier than that in her bed and would then sleep most of the day away. On saturday we started to teach her to self settle and gave her a bedtime of 7pm and her night routine starts at 6 with a bath then a nurse and a story then bed. She is going down happily at 7pm but 40 mins later wakes and screams for 1.5 hrs then she settles again and wakes at 1am for a feed then settles back til 6.30am. I am just wondering what i am doing wrong for her to cry at the same time every night. Her routine is as follows 7am feed, 8am breakfast, 9am nap, 11am feed, 12pm lunch, 1pm nap, 3pm feed, 5pm dinner, 6pm bath, 7pm bed. I am trying to get her to nap at 4.30 but she won’t and i am wondering is she overtired and is this the problem? As i thought she should be getting better at night by now.
I share a room with my 7 month old. I put her down between 7 and 9 when ever she seems ready. But then she will be awake crying in an hour. what can I do to keep her sleeping and is it not good to share a room. I don’t have another room.
My daughter is 2 and has always been a great sleeper. Recently we moved her to a toddler bed and now she won’t lie down while I am in the room and screames when I leave and keeps getting up and coming out the room into the hallway. Is there anyway I can get this to stop. I have tried the taking her back to her bed without speaking to her and looking at her but it does not seem to work she still thinks it is a game.
hi my name is kassandra i have a3 year old. when i had to swith him from a crib to a toddler was hard. he kept getting me up for weeks then a friend of mine told me to get hime to pck out a blanket to sleep with and when i did my son started to sleep again. the blanket was acting as a secerety blanket bc it is a new sleeping arangement. so give it time and she will sleep. just give it time trust me.
I have the similar situation. My daughter is almost 3 yrs. old we have not put her in a bed yet because I know she will not stay in it because she does not stay in her crib. She gets out when ever we leave the room and I have tried the putting her back in without speaking to her and not looking at her but she still thinks it is a game so then I start staying in the room by her crib and she tries to get out with me right there and then I start laying her back down telling her it is time to sleep and we will do this for an hour to two hours a night and I have been on this program since Christmas and she is not wanting to put herself to sleep she starts to turn into the demon child and ask for daddy and finally my husband will come in and hold her for a few minutes and she will fall asleep in his arms and he will put her down and I know that this defeats everything I am doing. I established the bedtime routine and trying to do everything the book says but I have a stubborn child. Please Help.
Help!! My 5 month old daughter wakes every hour throughout the entire night on most nights. She can’t seem to make it through a sleep cycle and I’ve stopped attempting to put her into her crib. I am extremely sleep deprived and don’t know what to do.
Dana,
I have a 6 month old that just doesn’t want to sleep through the night. We just recently have tried putting him in the crib but around the second time he wakes up, he wants to stay awake and play for about an hour before he gets drowsy. After waking up the second time I try to lay him back in the crib after I nurse him and falls asleep but he wakes up screaming and just won’t fall back asleep so I give in and bring him back to bed and nurse him again until he falls back asleep and keep him in the bed with us the rest of the night. I’m not sure what to do, he’s also has two teeth cutting through right now and I don’t know if that’s whats bothering him. Help!
Thank you,
Aislinn