Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question comes from Beth. She asks:

When I put my child in his crib to go sleep at night or at nap time, he thinks it’s play time. I sit in my chair and he smiles and laughs and plays, and has a hard time getting to sleep. How do I get him to sleep in his crib and not play there?

Well, Beth, I bet there are many mothers out there who are watching this video and feeling very jealous of you at the moment. On one hand, it’s great that you’re not facing crying when he goes into the crib, so you can rest assured that he’s comfortable there and he’s happy to be there.

You haven’t mentioned how old he is, but I’m going to assume that you’re doing the “stay in the room method” with him. And so if it’s play time, meaning he’s just trying to engage you in all kinds of activities, one idea is, you just turn your chair so you’re not looking right at him. Maybe you’re looking at the wall and really being neutral. So, as hard as it is, try not to engage back with him. You want to send a message that you’re there to be supportive, but you’re not there to be held hostage while he puts on all kinds of shows for you. So totally divert your attention. You might even need to turn your chair completely around, so your back is literally to him, if he’s not getting the message.

And if he seems comfortable and happy and is just sort of playing, you can go ahead and get up and try leaving the room. Just calmly walk out of the room for a few minutes and see how he responds to that. If he just continues to play and he’s happy in there, then just stay out. If he starts to cry now that you’ve left the room, you can go back in and resume your spot in the chair.

And sometimes with older children into the toddler years, you can do that to send a message of, “I’m here, but you are to sleep, not play,” and so you can just calmly get up and walk out. You can even do that if your child won’t lie down, meaning he just keeps standing up and you keep asking him to lie down and you’re stuck in a game of him getting up and you trying to encourage him down. You can say, “If you don’t lie down, I’m going to leave,” and if he doesn’t lie down, leave the room for a couple of minutes. Now you’ve made a consequence for that behavior, chances are he’s going to listen to you when you ask him to lie down because he’d rather you stay than leave.

Another thing to think about is your timing. Maybe you’re putting him down just a little bit too early. Let’s say he’s eight months old and you’re trying for a nap every two hours and he just spends half an hour or 45 minutes in there playing. Well, that’s great, but it might be that he’s not quite ready for his nap, and if he’d just play an extra half an hour, you’d find he’d go down a lot faster. It’s similar with bed time. If you’re finding he’s consistently playing in his crib for up to half an hour or more, then again you might consider just moving bedtime slightly later and see if that helps.

The average person takes five to 15 minutes to actually fall asleep at night. So if it’s just 15 to 20 minutes of play before sleep comes, that’s fine. That might just be the way he winds down and gets ready for sleep, and I think it’s great even if he’s waking up in there and playing for 10 minutes on his own. It just means he’s comfortable and he’s capable of amusing himself, which is wonderful, and he’s happy there. So I wouldn’t worry about it, Beth.

I hope that helps. Sleep well.