Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Tammy. She writes:

“My daughter is 20 months old and has been falling asleep unaided for most of her life. She generally sleeps ten hours at night and takes one, two hour nap in a day. Lately however, she has been refusing to nap. I put her in her crib and she plays with her bear and a doll for over an hour. I tried taking the bear and the baby away, but she just cries for the whole hour. I know she must need to take a nap. I am at my wits end and she is tired and grumpy for the rest of the day. Please help!”

At 20 months old, I agree that it’s not yet time to pull the nap. The great thing is that she is falling asleep unaided and sleeps a fairly solid night. As toddlers learn new skills and their verbal ability increases, it begins to interfere with sleep. They will be anxious to try all the new things they are learning, so when they get in the crib they do a lot of chatting and sometimes sing as well. Then that can be a bit destructive to the nap environment but remember that parents have a job to do, as does the child.

Tammy, your job is to schedule a nap time and leave her to nap for a certain length of time and to give her the opportunity to take a great nap. Her job is going to sleep and she chooses that part. You really can’t force someone to sleep if they are not going to. That’s part of the frustration I know, but all you can do is set nap time is at 12:30 and have her in there until 2:00. If she has slept, that’s great. If not, just get her up and proceed with your day.

You might try experimenting with your timing of the nap. If you wait too long the child might catch a second wind and then they get a bit hyper and it is harder to settle. You might be waiting too long, depending on when she wakes up in the morning. Think about having her nap 4 ½ to 5 hours after waking.

12:30PM is a great time because you can have lunch first and then head off to nap. I find sometimes if you wait until 1:00PM or later, you run into the second wind problem. Try experimenting by 20 minutes earlier or later for a couple of days and see if that makes a difference. Make sure the room is nice and dark, so it is not too distracting to be in there. You may even have to hang a blanket over the window for nap times. There is evidence to suggest that a darkened environment stimulates melatonin, which helps us sleep.

I would not take baby or the teddy away, if that is a part of her sleep strategy and she uses them when she goes to the crib. To her it will be like taking away someone’s pillow for example, and expecting them to nap without it.

Try reminding her that it is nap time and it is time to be quiet. Just whisper to her a little or that dolly needs a nap and just try to coax her a bit. She should be a little more restful when she is in there, so even if she does not nap it is still a break, it is a rest. It can serve as a break from her stimulating environment and it gives you a break from each other too. A rest is better than nothing at all.

On the days that she does not nap I would move bedtime earlier, to compensate. So she could be in bed by 6:30PM that day, if she has had no nap and is really exhausted. Or if she does not nap, then maybe go up for a walk or a car ride later so that she can have a bit of a cat nap, to take the edge off a little until bed time. That’s okay too.

Usually these things sort of things are just a phase. I can remember all three of my children going through a nap strike for a week or two and then they got over it and back to napping they go. If you have been getting her after an hour, try waiting another 20 minutes to 30 minutes and see if that makes a difference. It might be just long enough that she finally goes to sleep.

Give that a try Tammy. Thanks for your question and sleep well!