Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Jodie. She writes:

“Our son is almost two and a half, and he has been a great sleeper… up until now. He can climb out of his crib, so we moved him to a toddler bed. We are now struggling for over an hour to get him to stay in his bed and fall asleep somewhere between 9:30 p.m. and 10 p.m.

He used to fall asleep on his own shortly after laying down and slept through the night, but now he is even waking up once or twice and also waking up too early in the morning!”

That is a great question Jodie, and I am asked that a lot. I love that you waited until he was two and a half before you did the move to a bed. I do find that it goes a little smoother when the child is over two and a half but even then, you can still run into some hurdles like the one that you are describing. It usually involves your toddler sneaking out, over and over again.

There are a couple of ways you can handle it. One is to continue to return him to his bed. Remember that if you are doing that, do it nonverbally. Avoid saying “You need to stay in your bed.” or “Do not come out again.” Don’t get angry or become drawn into a long, lengthy discussion about why he needs to stay in bed. When see him and simply put him back in his bed, leave and close the door (leaving it open partially if this is what you normally do). You don’t have to say anything.

That is a really boring game for them and most toddlers will try a few times and realize that they are not getting any kind of reaction out of you, so will stop doing it. It is not worth it to them. This doesn’t always work because it can be really frustrating for a parent. Returning him to bed 20 times isn’t very fun. If you feel like it is too frustrating for you or you feel like you are going to lose your temper with him, then do not use this strategy.

Another technique is to give have a consequence in place. I remember going through this with one of my children sneaking out for various reasons and it just came down to a consequence of “If you do that again, I am closing your door.” He always slept with his door open a crack so the very idea of me closing it all the way, was enough for him. Not to say that I did not have to follow through with it. I did have to do it a couple of times. But now, it is a quick warning: “Please do not come out again or I will have to close your door.” That is usually enough to keep him there.

If he already sleeps with his door closed, then try some other things. If he sleeps with a special teddy of some kind, or a blanket, you would say, “If you come out of your room again, I am going to take teddy away.”

When you say things like this, you do not want to back yourself into a corner with an all or nothing consequence. I never suggest that people take things away for the entire night. I think that is too hard on both you and your child. If you do take something away, just take it away for a couple of minutes initially. Take the teddy and walk out of the room for two or three minutes. Then go in and give the teddy back reminding him of the rules and leave again.

If he comes out again, then you take away teddy for a little bit longer. After five minutes, put teddy back. Remind him to stay in his bed, and if he comes out again, teddy stays away longer. There will be a time where it is too long and he does not like it so he is going to stay in his bed.

Again, be very neutral and calm. Even negative attention is still attention and some toddlers will just keep pushing to see if they are going to get a rise out of you. Be very calm about it all. I always suggest only one chance but be very consistent with that. A random number of chances a child is going to get every night, before there is a consequence ensures they will just keep testing and trying.

On the first sneak out you say, “Please do not do that again. If you come out once more, I am going to close your door and take away teddy.” Then if he comes out again, he gets a consequence. You do not need to tell him again; you’ve already given him his warning. Basically, if he comes out again, he should go back into his bed and you would take away whatever it was that you said you are going to.

That should put an end to it and you can do the same thing for night waking. If he has a wake up in the night and he comes out of his bed, you say “Do not come out of your bed again or there will be a consequence.” Something else you can do is to put a clock in his room. Use a digital clock, with duct tape over the minutes so all he can see is the hour. Talk about the number seven meaning it is morning. It can be a great way to keep a toddler in their bed until seven. Explain that if the clock does not say seven, it is still night and he must stay in bed.

I have a two-year-old and she waits until her clock says seven and then she comes to our room and says, “It says seven”. She knows that it is okay then to get up, so perhaps try that with him. It is a great visual and if he wakes up and it only says three, he may think twice about coming out of his room because he knows that it is not seven yet.

Just hang in there. It can be tough, I know. Do not expect dramatic improvements with the two and a half year-old. They like to really test boundaries. It will take a few nights to convince him that this is no longer a fun game, but it is definitely doable. You just have to be really black and white with toddlers. No randomness; the rules and consequences should be very clear and they will respond much more quickly.

Thanks for your question. Good luck and sleep well.