Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.

This week’s question is from Kellen. She writes:

“My daughter is 11 months old and still wakes up at least twice a night, and I have tried everything. She falls asleep on her own fine and sometimes she will wake and sooth herself back to sleep. But at the 2:00 a.m. waking she can never soothe herself — she cries and cries!

I still nurse her and I just started nursing her at the 11:00 p.m. waking and trying to let her go through the 2:00 a.m. waking, but it rarely works. When she nurses, she never falls asleep and I put her back in the crib wide awake. If I give in and feed her at 2:00 a.m., she always goes back into the crib fine and sleeps until morning, but I want her to sleep all night… What should I do?””

Well, there are a few really good things that you have done. She falls asleep on her own at bedtime and there are times in the night when she falls back to sleep on her own as well. So that is really the first step and usually the hardest step. You have conquered the hardest part and it is just a matter of getting her right through the night. I hear this question quite often from people, so I just want you to have a look at what you are doing for the night waking. It looks like you used to be feeding her at 2:00 a.m. but not 11:00 p.m. and now you are feeding her around 11:00 a.m and not at 2:00 p.m. so it sounds like it is pretty confusing.

You know what you are doing; this all makes sense when there is a method to all of it. In her mind though, she really has no clue. You used to feed her at 2:00 p.m. and not 11:00 a.m. and now you it has switched. Sometimes, this can just make a baby wake up crying regardless of what time it is. By 11 months old, there is no reason why she should not be sleeping all night so making a few little changes will make all the difference. For every wake up I recommend to first wait about five and even 10 minutes if it does not sound too serious.

There is something special about the 10 minute mark and often if you wait 10 minutes at least some of the time, the baby is back to sleep and you would not have had to do anything. If it sounds more urgent within five minutes, then definitely go in and remind her it is still night. Lay her down, give her back her teddy and tuck her back in. If you want, you can pull up a chair and just sit right by the crib or you can do some careful touching. If it helps to pat her back a little bit, and that offers comfort, that is fine. You just do not want to pat her back to sleep.

Just keep reminding her that it is sleepy time, but do not give in and nurse her. The good news is that while you are nursing her, you are not nursing her back to sleep and that is great. It just sounds like she is sort of habitually night feeding for no real reason. I think she has just convinced herself that is what she needs halfway through the night, and is not really accepting much less. I do not think there is a lot of evidence that feeding a baby more before bed makes any difference to their night waking, but you could try that just for the sake of ruling it out. You could give her a little bit more to eat through the day, by increasing her meals and nursing throughout. Or you could try adding a little bit to the bedtime routine by offering solids before bed and then a little bit of a top-up nurse before she actually goes into the crib. It might help or it might not.

It probably has nothing to do with food during the night though and I would push through the night waking with no feeds at all. That will really clear things up for her. It will be a rough couple of nights because she is used to getting the feeding. But because she already has the skills, meaning she puts herself to sleep at bedtime and occasionally through the night, it will not be as hard. It is not going to be as hard as somebody who is starting with a baby who has no idea how to put themselves to sleep for any of it. Then, it is a tougher struggle. This will be a rough couple of nights for sure but I do not suspect it will be much more than that. You are just going to have to dig deep and get through those couple of nights and get her off these night feeds. I really do not think that there is much use in sort of weaning her down or shortening the feed times.

I think with children her age, it is just better to pull the feed so there is no confusion, meaning every wake up is handled exactly the same until morning comes. I have said this over and over but I do not consider morning anything before 6:00 a.m. so hang in there till 6:00 a.m. and then if she is awake, you can start your day with her. Take her somewhere else, either for breakfast first or for her first feed. You are halfway there; you are really close and you have just got to get over this last little hurdle. Then you should be through it and she should be sleeping all night!

Thanks for your question… and sleep well!