I’ll be the first to admit that I was OBSESSED with the fact that my oldest son never seemed to eat his dinner.
We had food issues with him right from the start, but dinnertime was especially challenging. More nights than not, he simply would NOT touch anything we put in front of him.
We eventually hired a nutritionist who specialized in working with kids, and she really opened my eyes.
So if this is something that you’re currently struggling with, I wanted to pass along some advice in this week’s video:
Hi. I’m Dana Obleman. Welcome to this week’s video blog. Today, I want to talk a little bit about dinnertime. I get a lot of questions, phone calls, and emails from parents who are concerned that their child doesn’t eat dinner, all right. I want to tell you first of all not to worry that this is a really common problem and one that shouldn’t really be obsessed over too much. I know for us when I think about my own day, dinnertime is my biggest meal of the day. I too put a lot of effort into making a nice dinner and it’s usually where I enjoy that portion of my day as far as meals are concerned. But, the total opposite is true for children. Most children eat a very hearty breakfast and really if you look at any of the experts or the advice out there they say you should eat a really big breakfast.
That breakfast should be your best biggest meal of the day and that dinner should really be the light smaller meal of the day, but lots of us have that backwards. The good news is that kids don’t. They are very good at listening to their bodies, much better than us adults. They tend to eat a really big breakfast. I sometimes am shocked at the amount food especially my middle guy puts in, in the morning.
Toast, yogurt, fruit, and more toast. He’ll just really fill himself full and then he eats a fairly decent sized lunch that I packed for him. Then, he very rarely eats much dinner. There was a time in his life where he didn’t eat any dinner. He would have a bite and ask to be excused and off he would go. There was a time in my life with my first child that I really agonized over the fact that this child wouldn’t eat dinner.
I’d be very concerned that now he’s going to go to bed hungry and maybe he wouldn’t sleep well because of it. I put a lot of anxiety around it. That was me. I was doing that. I was putting the anxiety on it. If you’ve got that situation, I want you to relax around it. OK. It’s very common. It’s perfectly normal. It’s actually healthier to organize your eating that way and if he goes to bed hungry, “Oh well.”
All right. I don’t want you to get caught up in that because it can be a very clever tool a child uses to get sugary or treat‑like snacks later in the evening. My son use to do it with milk. He loved milk, so he didn’t eat any dinner and then right before dinner he’d want to drink this huge eight ounce thing of milk. I had to stop doing that. I had to stop allowing it because I wanted to teach him that the consequence of not eating your dinner might be that you go to bed hungry.
That is an excellent internal consequence and you really want children to experience those. So that they can start thinking for themselves. If I don’t eat dinner, oh I remember yesterday I had that growl in my stomach and it wasn’t very comfortable, and I had a harder time getting to sleep that night. Good, that’s what you want. OK. So, lay off the pressure around dinnertime.
I also don’t want you to get into what I call short‑order cooking. A lot of people do because I like a nice dinner. I like to put effort into a nice dinner and it’s not always exactly what my kids are going to want. It’s tempting to think, “Well, I slide a few chicken fingers in the oven for the little ones.” I don’t want you to do that because you really want your child to at least have exposure to different kinds of foods.
They may not eat it. They might not even want to sniff it. It’s all about exposure. Children need a lot of exposure to foods, before they’ll even start to think about giving it a try. You also really don’t want to send a message that, hey, it’s OK to eat chicken fingers five days a week either. You really want to be careful that you’re not catering to the whims of your children, because again you’re the boss here. You’re in the driver’s seat around this.
If it’s really out there, if I’ve made a really great meal that’s crazy and my kids are not going to like it, then I might put out something I think they would like. Maybe a bowl of carrots or some bread and butter, so that there’s at least an option or two of familiar foods that they would have. Again, that was my decision. I put those out there and then it’s their choice. OK. So dinnertime, we’re not going to worry about it anymore. OK.
Thanks for watching today. Sleep well.
[music]
Baby Not Sleeping Through The Night?
Get One-On-One Help!
Yes, The Sleep Sense™ Program is a great Do-It-Yourself guide for solving your baby or toddler’s sleep problems!
But if you’re looking for full-service, one-on-one help, I’m here to help!
The Sleep Sense Philosophy
Cry-it-out? Coddle? Co-sleep? Attachment parenting? Ferberizing? If you’re going to let me help you with
something as precious as your child’s sleep, you probably want to know a little bit about who I am and exactly how I think...
Dana’s Sleep Blog
Straight talk about sleep, parenting, babies, toddlers, relationships… and just about anything else! My blog is a great place to find opinions, advice, the occasional rant, and some great videos about sleep.
“I must say the program is nothing short of a miracle…our little baby was 5 1/2 months when we did it… and it’s changed all of our lives. I didn’t have much faith to be honest… but it all unfolded as your book indicated, much to our delight. Ryder sleeps through the night and naps like a baby!
Jill Guttridge
Karianne Wanggaard
“Why didn’t we try this sooner? As we speak he is sound asleep in his crib – and has been since 7:15pm. We are so pleased to get the evenings to ourselves again, and Tinius – who has always been a very happy boy – is even more happy now!”
Karianne Wanggaard
Kim Connor
My husband and I have so much time for each other now in the evenings and not worried about waking him up. Once he is sleeping, he rarely wakes up to noises. I even hosted 8 friends last week while he was sleeping. I thought the noise would wake him but not a peep! I can’t express enough gratitude for you writing this book, you have sincerely changed our lives! Thank you so much!
Kim Connor
Jennifer Brahsear
“I ordered the sleep sense program and had wonderful results.
Tyler slept through the night without any crying by the second night.Thank you for the information, it really helped!!”
Jennifer Brahsear
Fiona O’Connor
“I would like to say a huge “Thank You” to you. Your system is well explained and well researched and had worked wonders in our house. It is like Hannah is saying “Thank you Mommy – I really needed this”, she is so happy since we began.”