Today’s post is about a phrase moms sometimes say, and a better alternative. Click the video below to watch.
Why You Shouldn’t Say “My Child Won’t…”
Dana Obleman: Hi, I’m Dana. Welcome to this week’s video chat. Today I want to talk about a sentence that parents say repeatedly that I’m going to challenge you to rethink.
I asked, the other day for some suggestions for our video chat. I got 95 replies from people on my Facebook page. I would say at least 30 of those started with a sentence that said, “My child won’t…”
That is the beginning of a sentence that I want you to rethink, going forward. Examples would be, “My child won’t eat.” “My child won’t go to bed.” “My child won’t stay in her own bed.”
The reason why I have a problem with it is because it really takes you out of the role of parent. I see this a lot. There’s a lot of pressure on parents…I want to cut you some slack here. I feel it, too…to be friends with our kids, and to never make our children upset.
There’s this real movement that kids can’t be upset. I don’t know why or where it came from. It makes no sense to me, at all, because children get upset.
I’m the parent. It’s my job, that I have rules and boundaries in place, and consequences for behaviors so that our household runs well, and smoothly and that I teach them how to become appropriate members of society. That’s my job, I think.
Sometimes they’re going to be upset, and I have no problem with that, but when you say sentences like, “She won’t,” it takes you out of the whole scenario, and you don’t really have to have any kind of ownership over it.
My challenge would be, then, to eliminate that thinking from your mind. Don’t say those sorts of things. Instead say, “She doesn’t like to,” or, “At the moment, she doesn’t know how to…” Something along those lines.
I promise you, if you want your child to sleep in her own bed, guess what? She will. She will. It’s going to take some work. Yes, she’s going to protest. You’ll have to be really clear with the routine, the structure, and the consequences for the behavior, but there absolutely is a solution to these issues.
Similar with, “My child won’t sit at the table,” for example, or “Won’t put on his shoes.” Yes he will. He will, it’s just going to take you getting involved in the situation and putting some steps in place to change the behavior.
I hope that gives you a little bit of food for thought for today. Thanks so much for watching. Sleep well!
Transcription by CastingWords
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